Husband worries about wife’s male friendship

DEAR AMY » My wife “Monica” and I are in our 20s. We have been married only for a few months, and we are very happy.

I do have one concern, though, that I can’t seem to get beyond. Since her senior year in college, Monica has been meeting periodically with a male friend who shares her interest in genealogy.

When we married, I just assumed those meetings would either end, or they would join a genealogy group with other people.

However, Monica has continued to meet with her friend, and I usually bowl or play cards on those evenings. We have had a few discussions about the issue and I really want her to objectively see my position.

We are deeply in love, and I know there is absolutely nothing romantic between Monica and her friend. Am I being unreasonable, and should I just accept the situation? — Torn in Tulsa

DEAR TORN » If you know that there is nothing romantic between your wife and her friend from college, then — I fail to see what about this is so troubling to you.

It sounds as if these periodic meetings between your wife and her friend have been going on during most of — and perhaps your entire — relationship. Perhaps you don’t think that married people should have one-on-one meetings with people of the opposite sex. Did you think marriage would affix a golden handcuff to you and your wife? It doesn’t work like that.

I think you’ll feel a lot better about your situation if you choose to love your wife enough to trust her, completely.

Trust is a choice, and trust can sometimes be a heavy lift.

For now — pretend that you do; act as if you do, and you will experience a liberation from your jealousy about this outside friendship.

Tell your wife that you’d be happy if she wanted to invite her genealogy friend to your house for their meetings. Say your hellos, serve the two some cheese and crackers, and then go and bowl a strike.

DEAR AMY » You frequently receive questions regarding friends and family members whose behavior changes radically. This creates confusion and relationship problems.

My wonderful Momma went from sweet and loving to angry and vicious. She hallucinated about very sexual things: men, fires, and water. She physically attacked my dad.

After many years of this behavior — testing, and numerous doctor visits, my beautiful mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Nine weeks later, she was gone.

Please, I beg your readers, if your loved one changes drastically, keep fighting for their mental health. — Still Grieving

DEAR GRIEVING » Lewy Body Dementia is a devastating illness which (to my amateur understanding) seems to combine symptoms of Parkinsons disease and dementia. Notably, the wonderful comic and actor Robin Williams was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia after his death by suicide, which has helped to raise awareness.