Mother is deteriorating during quarantine

Dear Harriette: My mom lives in a retirement community, and she has been quarantined for more than two months now. She can’t come out of her tiny apartment for any reason. They drop off food packages to her each day and pick up the trash every week. We hired an attendant to organize her meds and to give her a shower, so there is one person who puts her eyes on my mom. But she is deteriorating. When we talk on FaceTime, we can see that she’s not doing well. She no longer puts on street clothes. She doesn’t fix her hair or put on makeup. I am so worried that if we aren’t allowed to see her soon, she will perish. But the community is strict, and they will not allow my family to enter the building. What can I do? — Saving Mom

Dear Saving Mom: Contact her doctor and ask for advice. In most cases, medical professionals are saying that it’s safer to keep elders sequestered — even though they are bored during this period — because they are isolated from the virus. That said, the risk of depression due to extended social isolation is real. Schedule an in-person doctor’s visit so she can get checked both physically and mentally. If you can take her, that would be one time you can see each other.

Talk to the attendant you’ve hired. If possible, arrange for that person to stay a little longer each day and keep your mother company. Have that person get your mother to tell stories and reminisce. Do the same when you call your mother. Ask her stories that will jog her memory about her life. For more ideas, go to homecareassistance.com/ blog/activities-to-keep-seniors-engaged-during-covid-19.

Dear Harriette: I’m worried that my best friend is going to be homeless soon. She lost her job at the beginning of the pandemic, but she wasn’t making much money and had very little savings. She did get the stimulus check, but that only bought a few groceries one single time. Right now, she is safe because the governor has suspended evictions, but what happens this summer?

I am wondering if I should invite her to come and stay with me. I have a small house with very little room, but it would put a roof over her head. Obviously, that isn’t ideal, but I can’t watch my friend be put out on the street. If I do bring her into my home, I feel like I have to establish house rules. She and I live very differently. I don’t want to strain our friendship or drive us crazy. What do you think? — Rescuing a Friend

Dear Rescuing a Friend: Now is the time to be generous with our loved ones. If you can bring your best friend in, that would be a blessing. Talk to her about the idea. Be honest: You know it won’t be easy, but she is welcome. If she wants to come, talk about how you run your home and what your expectations of her would be. Agree that you will talk through any questions or issues as they arise. Establish a month down the line when you will revisit how long she will stay.

Dear Harriette: I work in a youth-based industry even though I am not young. I keep up my style, so I look fairly young, all things considered. People always tell me I look young for my age. But that all falls away whenever technology comes into play. I know how to use Word, but that’s about the extent of it. When my company introduces a new app or other tool to make life easier, I struggle to figure out how to install it, let alone use it.

I worry that if I tell anybody how hard it is for me that I run the risk of being considered obsolete. It has only gotten worse since we have been at home, because I don’t have a colleague nearby to ask a simple question. What can I do? I need my job. — Luddite

Dear Luddite: Now is the time to call upon your youthful nature. Go online during your off hours and get tutored on how to use whatever technology is in question. Go to YouTube.com for starters. There are video tutorials about virtually everything, which will walk you through how to use and master the technology that is baffling you. You have to be proactive now. The best part is that you can do it in private.