Mom-to-be worried about baby shower

DEAR AMY » My husband and I are expecting our first baby, due in October.

This will be my only child due to my age, and also because the pregnancy has been medically complicated.

I was initially excited to have a baby shower, but now I’m concerned about the health of family and friends, as well as myself and my unborn child.

Many of my family members are much older and at higher risk for having serious complications from COVID-19.

Some of them would not be willing to wear masks; and most of my family would not be computer savvy enough to do a video-call-shower.

Maintaining proper etiquette is important to me; do you have any suggestions for how I can still enjoy this momentous event with a shower, and keep everyone safe?

I feel it would be terribly tacky to just send out information and/or links to my baby registry without a shower. I also feel sad at the prospect of missing out on spending time with my extended family.

DEAR EXPECTANT » You should definitely follow your judgment.

Because you say etiquette is important to you, you should also understand that “oldschool” rules dictate that you should not host this shower for yourself. A friend or relative normally steps in to organize and host, timing it for the month before your due date.

I have heard of many “remote” showers that seem to work out well — the basic concept is that you receive gifts that are shipped to you and then you start the shower at a prearranged time, with your guests joining you remotely as you and your husband open these gifts.

It might be fun for you (or your host) to send your special remote guests an invitation along with a tea cup (or an inexpensive wine glass), with the directions to “join” you at a specific date and time via video conference or phone.

The host of the shower would send directions for how to do this, as well as contact information for anyone with questions.

AARP.org offers an online tutorial on how to use this technology; even people with landlines can join by phone, and although they might not get video, they could still participate.

DEAR AMY » I had two years of Spanish in high school. A few years later, as a nurse, I knew enough words to evaluate my patients’ basic needs, i.e. toilet, pain, hunger, fear.

Over the years, I found that any attempt to communicate in a foreign language, albeit limited, was appreciated by persons who went about their work, frequently ignored because they didn’t speak English.

DEAR BILINGUAL » Communicating the concept: “I see you,” is powerful.