Hot Girl Sum­mer might end in a fall

Times Standard (Eureka) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Amy Dick­in­son

DEAR AMY » My boyfriend and I (both 23) have been dat­ing for the past nine months. He does not want to get mar­ried and have kids later on — while I do. We both knew our stances on mar­riage and kids from the start, but be­cause I was in the mid­dle of my Hot Girl Sum­mer when we met, I was to­tally fine with just ca­su­ally dat­ing.

I truly think the le­gal ben­e­fits of mar­riage are very im­por­tant. For ex­am­ple, vis­it­ing some­one in the hos­pi­tal when only fam­ily mem­bers are al­lowed.

Hon­estly, if not for that ben­e­fit I wouldn’t care about get­ting mar­ried. A man who is com­mit­ted to me and our hap­pi­ness is all I would want.

His par­ents have been di­vorced since he was an ado­les­cent, and he fears he’ll get stuck in a love­less mar­riage or end up los­ing half his money and the kids in a di­vorce.

We both agreed to just not think about the fu­ture.

Lately it’s been harder not to think about the ex­pi­ra­tion date for our re­la­tion­ship.

We are so com­pat­i­ble in ev­ery sin­gle way (ex­cept for mar­riage). I do not want to pre­ma­turely end the re­la­tion­ship over this. I just want to be able to en­joy the love we have, ap­pre­ci­ate my boyfriend, and truly give it my all be­fore our in­evitable end. I’d also like to avoid be­ing ab­so­lutely de­stroyed when that time comes. Any ad­vice? — In Love

DEAR IN LOVE » I have great news for you: If you and your boyfriend des­ig­nate one an­other to be a health care proxy, you won’t have to worry about be­ing mar­ried in case of a hos­pi­tal­iza­tion.

So — prob­lem solved! Ex­cept — this is not about vis­it­ing some­one in the hos­pi­tal. You want to get mar­ried and have chil­dren one day, and — you don’t need to jus­tify that. Your guy seems to have been deeply af­fected by his own par­ents’ di­vorce, and it is not sur­pris­ing that he is mar­riage-avoidant, al­though his very dim view of fam­ily life is cause for con­cern. It is a red flag, and you can­not sim­ply choose to ig­nore it — be­cause you are not built that way.

You are ap­proach­ing the one-year mark of your re­la­tion­ship, and it is com­pletely ap­pro­pri­ate for you two to com­mu­ni­cate hon­estly about where you see this re­la­tion­ship go­ing. And if you want mar­riage and kids — you should say so out loud and be pre­pared to leave the re­la­tion­ship — not to ma­nip­u­late him, but be­cause you know who you are and what you want in life.

You’ve got more Hot Girl Sum­mers ahead of you. You want to be with some­one who shares your im­por­tant core goals and val­ues — a per­son who will still be there — long af­ter the hot­ness fades.

You can con­tact Amy Dick­in­son via email: askamy@amy­dick­in­son.com and fol­low her on Twit­ter @ask­ingamy.

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