Hot Girl Summer might end in a fall
DEAR AMY » My boyfriend and I (both 23) have been dating for the past nine months. He does not want to get married and have kids later on — while I do. We both knew our stances on marriage and kids from the start, but because I was in the middle of my Hot Girl Summer when we met, I was totally fine with just casually dating.
I truly think the legal benefits of marriage are very important. For example, visiting someone in the hospital when only family members are allowed.
Honestly, if not for that benefit I wouldn’t care about getting married. A man who is committed to me and our happiness is all I would want.
His parents have been divorced since he was an adolescent, and he fears he’ll get stuck in a loveless marriage or end up losing half his money and the kids in a divorce.
We both agreed to just not think about the future.
Lately it’s been harder not to think about the expiration date for our relationship.
We are so compatible in every single way (except for marriage). I do not want to prematurely end the relationship over this. I just want to be able to enjoy the love we have, appreciate my boyfriend, and truly give it my all before our inevitable end. I’d also like to avoid being absolutely destroyed when that time comes. Any advice? — In Love
DEAR IN LOVE » I have great news for you: If you and your boyfriend designate one another to be a health care proxy, you won’t have to worry about being married in case of a hospitalization.
So — problem solved! Except — this is not about visiting someone in the hospital. You want to get married and have children one day, and — you don’t need to justify that. Your guy seems to have been deeply affected by his own parents’ divorce, and it is not surprising that he is marriage-avoidant, although his very dim view of family life is cause for concern. It is a red flag, and you cannot simply choose to ignore it — because you are not built that way.
You are approaching the one-year mark of your relationship, and it is completely appropriate for you two to communicate honestly about where you see this relationship going. And if you want marriage and kids — you should say so out loud and be prepared to leave the relationship — not to manipulate him, but because you know who you are and what you want in life.
You’ve got more Hot Girl Summers ahead of you. You want to be with someone who shares your important core goals and values — a person who will still be there — long after the hotness fades.
You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: firstname.lastname@example.org and follow her on Twitter @askingamy.