Man serves time for the sake of the kids

Times Standard (Eureka) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Amy Dick­in­son — Lonely Man

DEAR AMY » I’ve been mar­ried to my wife since 2003. In 2011, I found her tex­ting and flirt­ing with a friend of mine. We ul­ti­mately broke up. It was pretty much a mu­tual de­ci­sion.

I met an­other woman who was ev­ery­thing I dreamed of. I moved to­ward di­vorc­ing my wife. I wanted to move on with my life. Trag­i­cally, three years after fall­ing in love, my fi­ance died ... right in front of me. Well, it turns out, my wife never filed the divorce pa­pers, so we are still mar­ried.

We have two sons (both born be­fore the breakup). Con­cerned for the well-be­ing of my sons, I worked things out with her, and we got back to­gether.

Fast-for­ward to to­day. I feel like I’m serv­ing a jail sen­tence with this per­son. My old­est son is on his way to the Marines, and my youngest is on his way to sixth grade.

I am mar­ried to a self­ish, unemo­tional woman who doesn’t seem to have any love or com­pas­sion for me.

There is no com­mu­ni­ca­tion, no in­ti­macy, no any­thing!

I’ve got just over five years to go un­til my youngest will be 18. My plan is to move out the day after his birth­day.

I’ve tried ev­ery­thing I can think of — from talk­ing to her di­rectly to even talk­ing to her mother. I’m afraid she’s cheat­ing again, but I have no proof. She just seems to­tally not in­ter­ested in me at all. I love her, but my love is not re­cip­ro­cated.

Should I ride this out un­til it goes down in flames — or stick to the plan of just stay­ing un­der the radar un­til my son turns 18 and then leave and ghost her?

It feels like I’m just here to help with bills and kids. That’s it.

DEAR LONELY » You sound de­pressed and very sad. You say you are stay­ing in this pri­son of a mar­riage for your sons’ sake — but you and your wife lived separately once be­fore. Your pre­vi­ous breakup lasted for sev­eral years, and your sons were in the pic­ture dur­ing that pe­riod.

My point is that when you were mo­ti­vated to leave the mar­riage pre­vi­ously, you did — and you found love with some­one else.

Many par­ents in empty mar­riages say they are stay­ing to­gether for the sake of their chil­dren, but chil­dren don’t nec­es­sar­ily ben­e­fit from liv­ing with two par­ents who don’t want to be to­gether.

Your five-year plan sounds like a very tough haul. Ses­sions with a mar­riage coun­selor might not bring your wife back to you, but you two would at least have the op­por­tu­nity to come up with a work­able plan for ei­ther stay­ing to­gether, or part­ing peace­fully.

You can contact Amy Dick­in­son via email: askamy@amy­dick­in­son. com and fol­low her on Twit­ter @ask­ingamy.

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