Times Standard (Eureka)

Man serves time for the sake of the kids

- Amy Dickinson — Lonely Man

DEAR AMY » I’ve been married to my wife since 2003. In 2011, I found her texting and flirting with a friend of mine. We ultimately broke up. It was pretty much a mutual decision.

I met another woman who was everything I dreamed of. I moved toward divorcing my wife. I wanted to move on with my life. Tragically, three years after falling in love, my fiance died ... right in front of me. Well, it turns out, my wife never filed the divorce papers, so we are still married.

We have two sons (both born before the breakup). Concerned for the well-being of my sons, I worked things out with her, and we got back together.

Fast-forward to today. I feel like I’m serving a jail sentence with this person. My oldest son is on his way to the Marines, and my youngest is on his way to sixth grade.

I am married to a selfish, unemotiona­l woman who doesn’t seem to have any love or compassion for me.

There is no communicat­ion, no intimacy, no anything!

I’ve got just over five years to go until my youngest will be 18. My plan is to move out the day after his birthday.

I’ve tried everything I can think of — from talking to her directly to even talking to her mother. I’m afraid she’s cheating again, but I have no proof. She just seems totally not interested in me at all. I love her, but my love is not reciprocat­ed.

Should I ride this out until it goes down in flames — or stick to the plan of just staying under the radar until my son turns 18 and then leave and ghost her?

It feels like I’m just here to help with bills and kids. That’s it.

DEAR LONELY » You sound depressed and very sad. You say you are staying in this prison of a marriage for your sons’ sake — but you and your wife lived separately once before. Your previous breakup lasted for several years, and your sons were in the picture during that period.

My point is that when you were motivated to leave the marriage previously, you did — and you found love with someone else.

Many parents in empty marriages say they are staying together for the sake of their children, but children don’t necessaril­y benefit from living with two parents who don’t want to be together.

Your five-year plan sounds like a very tough haul. Sessions with a marriage counselor might not bring your wife back to you, but you two would at least have the opportunit­y to come up with a workable plan for either staying together, or parting peacefully.

You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickins­on. com and follow her on Twitter @askingamy.

 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from United States