Citizen wants to be more ‘American’

DEAR AMY » My family and I came to America from the Soviet Union when I was a teenager. We became citizens. I got educated here and own a successful business. I write well and speak correctly, with almost no accent. I feel like I am an American.

I love America, and try to learn new things every day, but I feel like something is missing in me.

Since I was born and spent my formative years in a communist country (truly like another planet, compared to the USA), my “autopilot” reactions are not like those of typical Americanborn people. For instance, my manners, topics of conversation, humor, dress, attitude toward money, and even body language sometime seem “foreign.”

I feel like it is hurting me to be “culturally different.” I don’t think I say or do anything straightup offensive — it’s more like a lot of subtle little things.

How can I fix this “handicap?”

I would love to know how to be more American, but I can’t find any books or courses on the subject. — NOT Born in the USA

DEAR NOT » As we approach the celebration of another Independence Day, I appreciate this unusual and provocative question, which, honestly — has no “correct” answer.

First, I urge you not to see your own cultural background and habits as a “handicap,” but as an asset.

Yes, America is a country. But America is also really a series of concepts, experiments, and experiences. It is no one thing.

But here is a beautiful “American” ideal (so different from the culture you were raised in): All Americans have the right to be uniquely themselves, and that definitely includes you.

However, reinvention is baked into the American experience, and so if you want to affect “American” mannerisms, I suggest you become a student of American culture. Take a history course at your local community college. Follow up with a class on cinema and popular culture. Read Mark Twain, Edith Wharton, Sherman Alexie, Gary Shteyngart, and Jericho Brown. Listen to Dolly Parton. Watch “Singing in the Rain,” “Goodfellas,” “Barbershop,” “The 13th,” and “Ramy.”

Become a volunteer firefighter. Teach English as a second language to other newer citizens (teaching American concepts to others will show you how much you actually know). Work at your local polling station during the next election.

When you say or do something you believe is “off,” ask a friend to break it down for you. They might choose to tell you what I’m trying to tell you now — which is that your effort makes you the most “American” person they know.