Should friends share room on a trip?
Dear Harriette: Is it inappropriate to share a hotel room with a platonic friend of the opposite sex? My friend and I are planning a trip, and he suggested that to save money we should get one room with separate beds. There has never been anything romantic between us, and I don’t think either of us has a hidden agenda. This would cut the cost of our travel in half, but would it be weird for the dynamic of our friendship? Is this a good idea? — Travel Buddy
Dear Travel Buddy: This is not an unusual thought. Many people share rooms to cut expenses. Especially since you will have separate beds, this seems completely reasonable. To be crystal clear about it, talk to your friend. Ask him if he has any unspoken desires about you, or if he really does just want to travel as your buddy and save dollars at the same time. Listen to what he answers and how he responds to gauge his feelings, but don’t overthink it. State your position on the matter. Make an agreement. And plan your trip.
By the way, do not be swayed by friends and loved ones who may have opinions about your travel arrangements. This is your trip and your business.
Dear Harriette: I just found out that the father I’ve known all my life is not my real father. I am devastated that my mom was not honest with me about this sooner. She says it was for my own good, but I just don’t see how. My biological father is in prison and may be getting out soon, which is why she chose to tell me now. How do I forgive my mother for being dishonest with me all these years? — Dishonest Mom
Dear Dishonest Mom: Your mother had her reasons, and you cannot go back and change that now. What point is there in being angry with her? Instead, get to the bottom of the situation and discover whatever you can about your father, including why he is in prison and whether she expects you will meet him when he is free. That situation needs to be discussed fully so that you are prepared for what may come.
As far as the man who reared you is concerned, the fact that he isn’t your biological father doesn’t take away from the fact that he served as your father all these years. Do you love him as your father? Has he fulfilled that role for you? Can’t you find it in your heart to continue to love him even if you are tied by genetics to someone else? Also, does he know that he is not your father? If your mother kept that a secret, the situation gets ever more complicated. Find out all that you can from your mother so that you are clear on how to proceed with these relationships. Take it one day at a time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.