Friend forgets names
Dear Harriette: Every time I see a particular woman in my wife’s friend group, she looks at me, says hello and asks my name. I have been in her company for a good 15 years — though not closely. We do go to the same parties every year and share many of the same friends and associates. I find it baffling that this woman doesn’t recognize me. I see her anywhere from five to 10 times a year.
Should I be insulted by this? Should I say something to her, or should I just keep on introducing myself and let it go? At first, I was taken aback, but now I can’t be bothered. (Maybe that’s not totally true.) When I glimpse her chatting it up with other friends of mine, I can’t help but wonder why I am not memorable … at all. — Forget Me Not
Dear Forget Me Not: There is a chance that this woman is suffering from some form of memory loss. Rather than you not being memorable, it could be that she is experiencing moments when she has no recollection of people, places or experiences. Who knows? You don’t have to figure that out. What you can do is have compassion for her and reintroduce yourself when she asks. You can also refresh her memory, reminding her of the last time you saw her or pointing out something you consider remarkable about her.
Sometimes people don’t remember others when the interactions they have are fleeting and inconsequential. If you mainly have said hello to this woman over the years without stopping to talk to her and establish some kind of connection, she may have no anchor point upon which to create memories of you. Consider talking to her for a few minutes in the future. .
Dear Harriette: I remember how my co-workers treated me when I was new to the job: cold, distant and completely uninterested in helping me adjust. While they dutifully answered any questions I had, their responses were curt and unwelcoming. Now, I look around and watch them cooing over a new colleague, trying to help them as much as they can and treating them like one of the family. It doesn’t feel right or fair. What could this be about? How do I not take it personally? — Not Fair
Dear Not Fair: It is hard to notice someone being treated significantly better than you and not have a reaction to this behavior. Do your best to let it go. Asking your co-workers about it will not help you. Begrudging the new person will only create more tension. Instead, do your job and look to see with whom it would be wise to cultivate relationships. You may never be a favorite at the company, but you can forge meaningful bonds with key colleagues if you make that a goal.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO *64106.