Mother says mean things
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I am a 30-year-old woman with a mother who continually comments on my weight whenever we interact. This has been a recurring theme since my teenage years, and I find myself struggling with the impact it has on my selfesteem. Despite my efforts to maintain a positive body image and focus on overall well-being, my mother's comments have become a source of emotional distress. I have tried expressing my feelings to her, but the comments persist, making it challenging for me to enjoy our time together. It's difficult to feel judged based on my appearance rather than appreciated for who I am. I understand the importance of open communication, but I am unsure of how to address this issue with my mother without causing further strain on our relationship. — Stop Bullying Me
DEAR STOP BULLYING ME >> You may need to take some time off from being around your mother. In order for her to get the message that the way that she talks to you is not OK, you have to show her that when she makes those comments, the result will be that she doesn't get to spend time with you. Tell her what the consequences are so that there is complete clarity. Then follow through. You can point it out in the moment when she says something hurtful so that she knows. Then walk away, hang up the phone or otherwise disengage.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I initiated the end of a threeyear relationship with my boyfriend around three months ago because I felt that we had become somewhat bored with each other. However, now that some time has passed, I find myself deeply regretting this decision. My ex-boyfriend was always kind and caring, and I realize that these qualities are not easy to come by. To add to the complexity of my emotions, he has since moved on and is now in a new relationship. I must admit that I am experiencing feelings of jealousy, which is taking a toll on my emotional well-being. I am unsure of how to feel about these emotions and whether it's appropriate to express my regret to him. Additionally, how can I cope with the jealousy I am feeling about his new relationship? I want to find a healthy way to move forward and learn from this experience. — Full of Regrets
DEAR FULL OF REGRETS >> You made a decision. Now you have to live with it. Too often, people break up because one partner seems boring or too routine-oriented. Yet in solid relationships, it takes at least one half of a team to be disciplined and predictable. Consider this a lesson learned for you.
Your ex moving on and getting into another relationship is your cue to move on as well. You no longer have the right to go to him and ask for him to come back to you. Allow him to have peace as he lives his life. As far as the jealousy goes, accept it for what it is. You made a rash decision without thinking through all of the repercussions. You will have to live with that. As you consider your next partner, be more specific about traits and qualities that you admire, and welcome them when they appear.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.