Bride-to-be has hesitations as wedding nears

DEAR HARRIETTE >> As my wedding day approaches, I find myself filled with doubt and uncertainty about marrying my longtime boyfriend. Despite our history together, I am overwhelmed by a sense of hesitation and questioning whether proceeding with the marriage is the right decision. These feelings of doubt have intensified as the big day draws near, causing me to wonder if I should go through with it at all. What I am experiencing is causing me great distress and confusion. I am torn between honoring the commitment I made and following my instincts that are signaling hesitation. I worry about the potential impact of moving forward with a marriage that I am not fully confident in, and I fear the repercussions of making the wrong choice. — Wedding Day Doubts Linger

DEAR WEDDING DAY DOUBTS LINGER >> Put on the brakes and reassess your life. Now is the time to evaluate everything. Why have you stayed with this man for so long? What do you like and love about him? Write everything down. Next, record what your specific apprehensions are. What is making you second-guess your decision to marry him? Be as granular as you can so that you can look at your reasons and decide if they are merely jitters, or if you have legitimate concerns. If this reflection results in you truly feeling like this is the wrong decision, talk to your fiance and call it off. It is way better to end an engagement than a marriage. Of course, he and others will be upset. But the disentanglement will be much easier if you do it before you sign the papers.

DEAR HARRIETTE >> Thanks for your thoughtful response to “Postpartum Depression.” I would like to add a suggestion that the writer also reach out to their obstetric care provider, whether that is a physician or a midwife, who should be well-versed in helping with this problem and should be knowledgeable about resources available locally. Additionally, they can offer the option of highly effective medications, if warranted. Some of these are now specifically directed at postpartum depression. I will also mention that diet and exercise, especially outdoors, should always be part of the treatment of depression. Thanks again for shining a light on this important issue. — Informed Doctor

DEAR INFORMED DOCTOR >> Your input is much appreciated. I have heard from many mothers who have grappled with postpartum depression and who are at their wit's end for how to proceed with their lives. Once-jubilant women sometimes find themselves bound to their beds, in darkened rooms, unable to connect with their babies or partners. This condition is real and manifests in many ways. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It requires medical attention and a tremendous will to climb out of this state.

I urge anyone who might possibly be experiencing this condition to get help at once. According to the Mayo Clinic, some of the common symptoms include mood swings, anxiety, sadness, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, crying, reduced concentration, appetite problems and trouble sleeping. To learn more about postpartum depression, read this: mayoclinic.org/diseasesconditions/postpartumdepression/symptomscauses/syc-20376617.

If this reflection results in you truly feeling like this is the wrong decision, talk to your fiance and call it off. It is way better to end an engagement than a marriage. Of course, he and others will be upset. But the disentanglement will be much easier if you do it before you sign the papers.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO