Life was simpler before men got über-complex

Remember metrosexuals? Those were the guys who could get their backs waxed in the morning, their eyebrows plucked in the afternoon and still go out with a girl in the evening. Dandies who knew

The ( nal word

what DKNY stood for but also would know that Chicago is playing Houston in the World Series this week.

I alwayswas suspect of them. Where I came from, real men didn’t get manicures.

Now come the übersexuals. These are the guys who would probably pass on a back waxing, know who’s in the World Series — actually care who’s in the World Series — but are neither faux gay nor real jerks. They’re a step above the standard- issue man who knows only the three Bs: beer, babes and the boob tube.

Übersexuals, according to the trio of advertising writers who came up with the term this fall to zero in on the market, are men who embrace the positives of masculinity — “ con ; dence, leadership, passion and compassion” — without succumbing to the negatives that give the guy next door such a bad reputation. We’re talking about emotional emptiness and ignorance of anything verging on the cultural.

Übersexuals seek quality. They appreciate a ; ne glass of wine right along with a long walk with a yellow Lab at their side. They like strong women, too. In fact, they prefer them.

Bono and former president Clinton are über- übersexuals. Con ; dent yet compassionate. Jon Stewart, Sen. Barack Obama and George Clooney also made the übersexual list. They’re guy’s guys who have a feminine side, aren’t afraid of it but don’t J aunt it, either.

Apparently, it’s a list people want to be on. Shortly after the über-lineup came out this month, radio talk- show host Rush Limbaugh complained that he wasn’t on it. He thought he quali ; ed as much as the next guy. Odd that Limbaugh would want to be on a list that includes Bill Clinton, but no one likes to be left out.

I’m not sure I buy this übersexual thing any more than I bought metrosexuals. They seem t oo g ood t o be t rue. Where’s the fatal Jaw that makes a guy truly interesting?

I’m trying to think if I even know any übersexuals. Do you?

Your husband, maybe? Your son? A brother?

My dad enjoyed a strong whiskey sour, wore a natty camel’s hair cap and enjoyed a quality life, but he thought a woman’s place was in the home. My mom didn’t work out of the house until I had graduated from college. Not very über, I’m afraid.

I haven’t lived with my brother in 40 years, but he certainly wasn’t very über back then. Maybe he has evolved, but he’s a coach, and we all know the 3- B tendencies that come with the locker room.

As for myself, I don’t think so. I’m far too fond of my Sharps Kid Glove Shave Gel. An immediate disquali ; er, I’m sure. Far too metrosexual.

Maybe we should just return to the days when there were heterosexuals, homosexuals and the merely confused.

A far simpler time, for sure. E- mail cwilson@ usatoday. com uChat with Craig Wilson on Thursday, 1 p. m. ET/ 10 a. m. PT, at talk. usatoday. com