USA TODAY International Edition
I’m moving home to provide abortions
Despite Texas’ laws, I took control of my future
I sat in shock on the toilet seat, staring at all four positive pregnancy tests. How could this be? Taking birth control pills made me feel invincible; there was no way I could be pregnant.
I was 17 and in a state of pure instability. I felt alone, lost and with nowhere to turn. My family physician handed me pamphlets on prenatal care and adoption, which I stared at blankly; these options did not fit with my plans.
I was a proud Texan with dreams that now felt impossible to obtain. But my best friend knew of an option that my physician withheld from me: abortion. I searched “where to have an abortion in Texas” and found a Planned Parenthood 30 miles away in Dallas.
It was 2005. Abortion had been legal for 32 years, but for me, it seemed nearly impossible to access.
It took weeks to get an appointment; there were so many others who needed this care. Once my initial appointment was scheduled, I needed to get parental consent. This was a huge roadblock — my mom was against abortion. I dialed my mother’s number with shaky hands and fumbled through my confession. Her response left me dumbstruck: “Sarah, this would never be my choice. But this is your choice. You’re my daughter and I love you, no matter what.”
No matter what. This was my mantra as I showed up to my first appointment, alone. Texas law required me to wait 24 hours, so I was forced to wait a couple more days before my next visit.
Finally, on the day of the procedure, all of the buildup of the past few weeks hit me. But I found the most beautiful, strange comfort being surrounded by the other women waiting, many of whom were also there alone. None of us spoke, but we all knew we were going to be OK. No matter what.
After the five-minute procedure, all I felt was relief. I was shocked by how much buildup there was for something so safe and quick. I walked to my car through the protesters chanting and holding signs that read “baby killer,” and all I could feel was Texan pride. I controlled my life and my body again.
Who knew I’d be able to owe that freedom to my abortion for the rest of my life?
After that, I went on to medical school and channeled my pride into the thing I was born to do: Provide abortion care as part of my medical practice.
I moved from Texas to Chicago to complete medical training, then to New York City for a fellowship in reproductive health care and advocacy. But my intent has always been to return home and provide care to women in Texas. Because they deserve better.
In New York, my patients face none of the barriers I faced. They walk into my office, we perform a pregnancy test, and if it’s positive, they’re not alone on a toilet seat; they’re surrounded by supportive clinicians. If they want to call their mom to talk it through, they can. If they want the abortion, I can perform it that day.
Soon, I’ll be serving Texan patients who face many of the same barriers that I faced 14 years ago. I think about the people who delay their abortion to save up for the procedure only to learn that the delay increased the cost. And the people who have to travel hundreds of miles, increasing the emotional and financial burden. I’m going back to fight for that access so that one day there is no guilt, no shame and no waiting.
Today is the 46th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. For so many women, Roe alone does not give barrier-free access to abortion care. Women of color, immigrants and LGBTQ people often are most deeply affected by these barriers.
This month, challenges to the 24hour waiting period, sonogram requirements and the ban on abortion after 20 weeks are being heard in federal court. Political threats continue, too: A bill has been filed to make it illegal for Texas doctors to perform abortions except to save the patient’s life.
In a time when anti-abortion legislators are attempting to criminalize this necessary health care, I share my story so that the women and families of Texas, which I will always call home, know that there’s someone in their corner.
Sarah Valliere is a family medicine physician and a fellow with Physicians for Reproductive Health.