USA TODAY International Edition
Abortion is complicated for many – including me
Life- altering decisions are never simple
The issue of abortion is simple for many people. But that’s why it is so complicated for many of us.
The complex concerns of a woman’s health, the right of a woman to have sovereignty over her body, the hardship that could come with having to care for a child one is not ready to care for – these are realities that make the freedom to choose to have an abortion the only moral position for millions.
The truth of these circumstances sometimes leads people who couldn’t imagine having or supporting abortion to change their views.
Surely an abortion was the very last thing Layla Houshmand of Maryland wanted last year. Yet eight weeks into her pregnancy, she woke up to discover her vision blurred. A relentless migraine worsened and suddenly she could not keep her food down. She threw up 20 times during a visit to the ophthalmologist. What Layla suffered from was a life- threatening infection of her optic nerve related to her pregnancy.
Though abortion was then legal in Maryland, legal ambiguity and resistance to abortion among medical providers made it difficult to obtain the procedure. She found a private clinic that provided her this service. But the damage to her body was done.
A year later, she finds herself legally blind in her right eye.
“When you’re pregnant, you’re a second- class citizen in your own body,” Layla told FiveThirtyEight. “Everyone was prioritizing this eight- week embryo over me.”
‘ This was different’
At the same time, people who’ve spent their lives agreeing with and even advocating for the legal right to abortion have had their minds changed by deeply traumatizing experiences. Some of these people are medical professionals.
In an interview with the conservative network Daily Wire, Dr. Stephen Hammond, an obstetrician in Jackson, Tennessee, recalled his year and a half spent as a provider of abortions – and the moment that made him change his view forever. Hammond and his colleagues would perform 20 to 25 abortions on a given Saturday. These tended to be procedures reserved for pregnancies no further along than 13 weeks. On one occasion, however, a patient was brought to him whose pregnancy was more advanced than he realized.
“Usually, when we do an abortion ( at 13 weeks) there’s only … 3 or 4 tablespoons of amniotic fluid that come out when we do the procedure,” Hammond said. “This was different.”
A quart of amniotic fluid, and blood, poured out. “And then it happened; the event that changed everything: the baby kicked me,” he said.
The question of abortion and whether to terminate a pregnancy does not have equal consequences for everyone.
As a man, it is incumbent upon me to speak with a good deal of humility when discussing the subject of abortion. Nevertheless, I also have a history with abortion. It has left a mark on my life in ways I have not widely shared.
When I was a teenager, I found myself in a relationship that resulted in a pregnancy. In many ways I was immature. I had never taken care of myself. How could I, with a partner little more prepared than I was, raise a child?
My partner, however, was adamant – she wanted to have her baby. How could I argue? It was her choice. And on some level, I wanted to have the baby as well.
But I was also scared, more scared than I had ever been of anything ( imagine how frightened she must have been … and brave she was to want to go through with it).
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought of the life I might never have because I had been irresponsible one time. I didn’t sleep at all.
And yet, as the sun rose, I came to a new conviction. I would love this child. She would love this child. Our parents and grandparents would love him or her. And in this love was a new opportunity: an opportunity for me to grow up. Then the phone rang.
I answered it quickly. My friend’s voice spoke, small and sullen: “I talked to my mom. I’m not going to have the baby. We’re going to get it taken care of.”
“I see. Do you – do you want me to go with you?”
“No,” she said. “It’s fine.”
She hung up. I breathed a sigh of relief … and uncertainty.
In the aftermath of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, I have discovered feelings in myself that, to be honest, I scarcely knew were there. They have been the cause of profound reflection.
I cannot say my experience with abortion naturally leads to the moral certainty that others possess. I believe I have come closer to being the man that teenage boy only dreamed he might be. I have traveled America, found fulfillment in deeply meaningful work, and have raised three children with a beautiful wife who is the woman of my dreams. And though I haven’t seen my friend in years, I know she came to raise a beautiful family as well.
These things might never have been if she had gone with her first mind. The counsel of her mother might have saved us from a life in which we never realized the dreams that would actually come true for us one day.
In this, our story is a hopeful argument for choice.
Yet it may also have been that the vow I made to myself to stand by my child would have made me a better man … and sooner. My friend and I could have had a family of our own, and maybe we would have brought out the best in each other. We would have loved our child with our whole hearts through all of the difficulties. And our own families would have, too.
Instead, the dashed dreams of what could be were replaced by mournful thoughts of what might have been. In this, our story is a tale in favor of life.
Humanity on both sides
Of one thing I am certain: I cannot hate my fellow Americans who have dedicated their lives to either side of this issue. I love you all for the moral commitment you bring to this deeply painful topic that nevertheless highlights the deepest agonies and greatest hopes of the human condition: the pain and joy that come with bringing life into the world, and making the choices that will determine the course of one’s own life for all time to come.
Perhaps healing is still possible. Perhaps we can reach across the divide to create a society in which children brought into the world by parents who are not ready will nevertheless be cared for. Perhaps we will grow into a nation where we love with compassion those among us who make choices that we disagree with, but who may still bear wounds from which they must heal.
Perhaps we may become a country where we do not stigmatize each other for our deeply held moral convictions. Rather, we may become a nation in which we reason together, seeking to persuade from a place of kindness.
There is deep humanity on both sides of this divide.
Raise your voice for what you believe is true. But please do not forget that this is true as well.