Life’s lessons learned at a funeral home
Elizabeth Meyer made an unexpected career choice when she went to work at an Upper East Side funeral home that caters to the rich and famous. The Manhattan socialite and one-time party girl grew up fast. Now 30, Meyer has written Good Mourning (Gallery Books, on sale Aug. 25), a memoir of her experiences helping plan funerals at “Crawford” (real name: the Frank E. Campbell Funeral Chapel). She faced challenges — like almost losing the body of a UN Ambassador — and learned valuable lessons about living from the death industry. She spoke with USA TODAY’s Sara Moniuszko.
Q. Did you ever imagine you’d be working at a funeral home right out of college?
A. I never imagined working in a funeral home, period. I unfortunately lost my father when I was 21 years old, and that experience completely changed my life in many ways. One of them being that I decided to make a career out of working in a funeral home — nothing else was fulfilling enough. So I actually went and applied for a job and started a career at the very bottom of the food chain (as a receptionist) and I learned from the bottom up.
Q. How did your friends and family react?
A. A lot of people who enter the funeral industry, it’s a family business. ... And clearly this was not my family’s business, so my friends and family just didn’t understand why in the world I’d want to make a career of being among dead people. And I actually think the reason I so dwelled on it in my book is that I believe their reactions were probably the reactions of most people, especially in America, towards death. That funerals and funeral homes are scary and morbid, and why would anybody opt to be there? And what I learned was that funeral homes are actually quite lovely.
Q. You allude to a lot of celebrities whose funerals you helped plan but never include their real names. Why?
A. No. 1, this still a sensitive topic for people and I would never want to jeopardize anybody’s feelings or belittle their emotions. And No. 2, which is more important to me, I actually don’t think it really matters who the people are. ... I hope that at the end of the book what comes across is that everybody experiences loss, and everybody experiences the pain. It’s a universal topic, and it doesn’t really matter who that person is, they’re going through pain, they lost someone.
Q. What was the best thing about working at Crawford?
A. This is the cheesiest thing that’s come out of my mouth, but I really learned to appreciate life. It’s funny, because I was in what people consider the most morbid place, and I came to life! And I realized it’s not about mourning, it’s about celebrating what you had. One of my mom’s fears was that I would become this horribly depressed, morbid person. But instead I came to accept that death is part of life.
Q. And what was the worst?
A. The hardest is that people do die suddenly, and the worst part is that there’s actually noth- ing you can say to make somebody feel better. You can try all you want, but there’s this sense that people are just in so much pain. And that’s the part that I’ll never be fully comfortable with. I always want to improve ... and the knowledge that you just can’t fix everything is hard.
Q. What’s your biggest tip for comforting families after they lose someone?
A. The important thing is to acknowledge that these are real people with real pain. A lot of times families are broken, and I talk in my book about just sitting with someone and talking to them. ... My advice is to not be afraid of people who are grieving, but be there for them.
Q. You left the funeral home after working there nearly three years. What are you doing now?
A. I’m consulting. What I’m most passionate about is making sure every family, not just in Manhattan, but everywhere, has the ability to have a great send-off — and it doesn’t matter what your socio-economic background is. So I’ve tried to help people navigate the funeral industry and work with funeral homes to give them the send-off they want.