Karaoke KO
Jackie Chan can carry a tune. Our reporter? Wellllllll ...
There are moments you know you’ll remember forever. And not in a good way.
That happened last week when I sang with martial arts icon Jackie Chan. The look of undisguised disgust on Chan’s face was real: He hated my voice.
It started happily enough as we sat down to talk about his role in The Foreigner (in theaters Friday).
Chan was game to discuss his dramatic thriller, in which his simple man Quan takes on a government minister (Pierce Brosnan) who might know the IRA thugs who killed Quan’s daughter.
But when talk turned to Chan’s love of singing, it took little prompting to get him to belt out Ordinary Man, a song he recorded that’s inspired by the movie.
My gig was to sing in English
along with Chan’s Chinese, duet-style.
When Chan dived into the first verse, it felt so right. He started air-drumming, leg-stomping, getting all soulful before giving the nod. “And should I forgive?” I crooned.
That’s when he gave me that look. My excuse: I don’t understand Chinese, so I didn’t know what I was forgiving, or whom. What’s my motivation?
On my next “forgive,” Chan got even more dramatic with his disgust. The third “forgive” and he threw his arms back wildly in physical pain.
The guy who has broken nearly every bone during his stunt-filled film career is in agony because of my voice.
There was no alternative but to save face and go to full-on Chan-appreciation mode. I pulled out a lighter to give a competent song sway.
Chan earned every second of precious butane, soaring into a dramatic climax before the music-stopping hand flourish. Big applause from me.
You’d think Chan would let me off the hook. Tell me he played up the disgust for a laugh. That didn’t happen.
“You know how music goes ‘Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do?’ ” Chan asks, waiting a beat. “You only have a ‘do.’ ”
His entourage busts out laughing. It’s a great moment for everyone else.
My singing career might be dead, but they should replace Simon Cowell on America’s Got Talent with a vocal-star judge who can throw zingers and real punches.