After Weinstein, reconsider Pence rule

VP’s guide could protect your heart and marriage

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it — Proverbs 4:23.

“I never thought this would happen to me.” Those were the words of a close friend when he revealed to me that he was having an affair and that he was leaving his wife.

They were just friends who met for lunch. But over time, friendship led to flattery, which led to flirtation, which led to infidelity and ended in divorce.

Well, I have a confession to make. I have always feared “it would happen to me.” And because I love my wife of 37 years, I, like Mike Pence, set up boundaries to protect my heart and marriage.

Now known as the Pence rule, the vice president does not dine alone with a woman other than his wife or attend events where alcohol is served without his wife by his side.

Many on the left mocked Pence for putting those boundaries in place. But after the Harvey Weinstein scandal exploded, some on the right have promoted the Mike Pence rule.

For instance, Fox News political analyst Brit Hume tweeted, “Mike Pence’s policy of avoiding being alone with women other than his wife looking better every day, though widely mocked when it first became known.”

Still, even some Christians aren’t convinced of the rule’s wisdom. Christianity Today’s Katelyn Beaty wrote a New York Times essay called “A Christian case against the Pence rule.”

“Offering the Pence rule as a solution to male predation is like saying, ‘I can’t meet with you one on one, otherwise I might eventually assault you,’ ” she wrote. But Pence didn’t fear becoming a sexual predator. He adopted his rule to guard his heart from sin.

The rule is actually one that evangelist Billy Graham adopted seven decades ago. Originally known as the Modesto Manifesto, it called for each man in the Graham organization to never be alone with a woman other than his wife. When Graham's wife, Ruth, died in 2007, they had been married for 64 scandal-free years.

So why is Pence’s moral safeguard a problem?

“I know many Christians who keep some version of the (Pence) rule. These men have good motives, (but) it’s time for men in power to believe their female peers when they say that the rule hurts more than helps,” Beaty wrote.

Hurts more than it helps? Tell that to the families and organizations ripped apart by sexual scandals because men in positions of leadership didn’t put in place and honor clear boundaries.

Beaty’s primary complaint is that the rule can exclude women from important business-related conversations and connections. It’s a fair point. But it can be addressed by ensuring that there are at least three people at any work-related meals or meetings outside the office.

There are at least three reasons the Pence rule is wise:

It protects your spouse. Trust is vital in a relationship. Take away opportunities to sin and there is no reason to worry.

It protects your reputation. Seeing Pence with a woman other than his wife in a social setting would give social media a juicy piece of gossip and tarnish both his and her good name.

It protects your heart.

The Bible has a lot to say about human sinfulness, and when it comes to sex, a lot of warnings are directed at men. Why?

One reason is what authors Dennis and Barbara Rainey call the chemistry of emotional adultery. In their book Staying Close, they wrote, “People commit emotional adultery before they commit physical adultery. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. It starts when two people of the opposite sex begin talking with each other about intimate struggles, doubts or feelings. They start sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship.”

My friend didn’t think he was in danger. He didn’t think he needed the Pence rule. He was wrong, and that mistake carried an extraordinarily high price. It’s a price Mike Pence has wisely taken steps never to have to pay.

Gary Varvel is the editorial cartoonist for The Indianapolis Star, where this piece first appeared.