Feeling unmotivated?
Jeff Stibel tells you how to fix that.
I have a friend, let’s call him Steve, who had an interesting thing happen a few months back. He was lying down with his newborn and his wife, and the baby instinctively rolled over and tried to breastfeed — on Steve!
The incident led my friend to reassess his weight. Steve has lost 65 pounds and is now in the best shape of his life.
Psychologists often talk about the benefits of intrinsic motivation and how powerful it is. By intrinsic, they mean a drive within you to do something vs. doing something because of outside incentives. Joining a neighborhood softball team because you love the game is an example of being intrinsically motivated; joining because your wife complains you don’t get out enough is an example of extrinsic motivation.
But what about extrinsic motivation? It can either be to avoid punishment (like when you’re a kid and you clean your room so you won’t get grounded) or to gain an incentive (like working extra hard to meet a sales goal for a monthly bonus), and both have a really bad rap. Most psychologists agree that neither punishment nor incentive work as well as intrinsic motivation. The thinking is that unless you motivate yourself, there won’t be lasting effects.
The answer, however, is more nuanced. It turns out that extrinsic motivators are less effective, but when they remind us of our intrinsic values, they become a powerful force.
Steve’s experience is a perfect example of a good extrinsic motivator. A simple, subtle cue caused him to rethink things. Sure he was embarrassed, and probably wanted to avoid being mistaken for a breastfeeding mother again (i.e. punishment avoidance), but that wasn’t the most important motivating factor. Rather, it was a genuine nudge from someone Steve cared about, which reminded him of a stark reality: good health is necessary to ultimately spend more time with your kids. In short, he was reminded of an intrinsic principle.
Thinking of motivation like this gives us a greater sense of freedom and greater insight into why we do what we do. You don’t pick up your bath towel off the floor to avoid getting admonished by your spouse (remember, punishment avoidance is extrinsic motivation). Rather, you do it because keeping the peace is important to you (intrinsic motivation). You don’t show up to work on time to avoid being fired or because your boss told you to; rather, you do it because remaining gainfully employed and maintaining positive relations with your boss are values you hold dear.
When you break it down, all motivation is intrinsic. A child cleans his room because he values keeping his parents happy, even if he doesn’t necessarily value not living in a pigsty. A salesperson closes the sale to provide for her family, even if she doesn’t necessarily value the company’s sales goals. When we try to convince or persuade someone, what we should really be doing is awakening that person’s internal incentive systems. In business, we often use money because we assume that people are intrinsically driven by what money affords. Same with praise, promotions, compliments and the like. The trick, if it can be called that, is to match the external motivating factor with something that will become a driving force internally.
If this seems disingenuous, that is because many people act disingenuously. It’s vital to make sure your motivation comes from both the heart and the head. The problem is that too many people do not think deeply enough about what others truly want and desire. We tend to focus on our own needs and goals vs. motivating others based on their needs, and their goals. That yields extrinsic forces that rarely move people. What we are talking about is truly understanding what others want, and then offering an incentive that matches. At Dun & Bradstreet, we call these forces “genuine motivators.”
Next time you’re trying to persuade someone to do something, don’t force him or her to connect the dots. Rather than offering a punishment or reward, go closer to the real intrinsic source.
Appealing to someone’s internal motivations will work more effectively than offering a random incentive. Don’t call your spouse fat; tell him you want to grow old together. Don’t tell an employee that she needs to work harder; tell her the time she spends at work is valued and will yield even greater success. Don’t criticize this article to my editor; tell her how much you value my opinion ... on other subjects. In all cases, the desired outcome will be more likely and less painful.