THE HIDDEN SIDE OF DEMENTIA
End-of-life decisions ignite family feuds
Casey Kasem’s widow battled his children to maintain medical control of the radio legend as he faded with a form of dementia. ❚ The wife and daughter of actor and comedian Tim Conway are sparring in court over the care of the former “Carol Burnett Show” star. ❚ Similar disputes divided the families of country music icon Glen Campbell and R&B singer Etta James. “Star Trek” actress Nichelle Nichols is the subject of a court action brought by her son. The high-profile legal battles around celebrities incapacitated by dementia are drawing attention to a phenomenon dividing many more families across the country.
When ailing adults can no longer manage their own affairs, responsibility shifts to family members often unprepared for the job – and unable to agree on medical care, finances and other sensitive areas.
While families of the rich and famous fight over multimillion-dollar estates, disputes among the rest of us – amid the pain of losing a loved one – can be equally bruising.
“There’s a lot of conflict,” said Ruth Drew, director of information and support services for the Alzheimer’s Association. “Often times there are old family dynamics that are emerging, old stressors and old wounds people thought were put to rest a long time ago.”
An estimated 5.7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease, the most common cause of dementia. That number is projected to grow as Baby Boomers age and live longer. About one in three people age 85 or older have Alzheimer’s disease.
This week, retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, 88, disclosed she has dementia.
Many families are not prepared to care for an aging loved one. Only 9 percent of Boomers have planned to pay for a caregiver when they need such help, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. Only 25 percent have completed a living will.
California lawyer Dennis Sandoval specializes in estate planning and elder law. He says many aging adults find it difficult to talk about wills and other documents intended to guide end-oflife care decisions.
“People are in denial of their mortality. They feel like they are going to live forever,” Sandoval said.
He has been involved in many cases, involving high-profile and ordinary families alike. When lucrative estates are at stake, he sees a common thread.
“People say it’s not about the money,” Sandoval said. “Almost every time, it’s about the money.”
Jolene Maiden struggled with how to handle her mother’s memory loss.
Eileen Bowe moved near Maiden’s home in Scottsdale, Arizona, after her husband died. Maiden’s three younger brothers live in Colorado and California.
When Maiden told them she was no- ticing problems with their mother’s memory and thinking, she says, they were skeptical. But they agreed she should be assessed by doctors.
Doctors diagnosed Bowe with dementia in 2015. Maiden and one brother were authorized to make medical and financial decisions on her behalf.
While she gained her brothers’ support to get care for their mother, Maiden says, not all family members embraced the idea. She says one relative who talked frequently with Bowe said Maiden was making decisions against her mother’s will.
That, too, would fade, Maiden says. Her brothers moved their mom last year to a nearby assisted-living apartment. The first two days were tense. Bowe cried and asked Maiden why they moved her.
But Bowe has adjusted to the small community of about 40 residents, Maiden said. She participates in activities and has made new friends. “She is very happy now,” Maiden said.
When a parent is ailing, conflict can erupt among siblings, or between children and a stepparent.
Social worker Samantha Williamson works with families dealing with dementia and other ailments at the Mayo Clinic. She says family feuds are common, and they’re disappointing.
“Human nature can be the most glorious thing,” Williams said. “Or it can break your heart.”
Kelly Conway, daughter of Tim Conway, asked a judge last month to issue a temporary restraining order to prevent her father from being relocated from his nursing facility.
Because he was hospitalized at the time and recovering from a brain procedure, the judge decided not to issue the order.
Kelly Conway plans to convince the court she should be appointed her fa- ther’s permanent conservator. Hearings are scheduled Nov. 2 and Dec. 14.
Kelly Conway says in court papers that her stepmother planned to move her father from his nursing facility in West Hills, California, “with exceptional care” to a “substantially inferior” Ventura facility that does not provide the level of care Conway needs.
Kelly Conway worries that her stepmother is trying to cut off access to her father. “My dad is my best pal in the world,” she told USA TODAY. “We have an exceptionally close relationship, (and) it kills me not to be able to see him at least for a few minutes every day. “That’s what I’m fighting for.” Court battles can last for years after the person has died.
Julie, Kerri and Michael Kasem filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against their stepmother, accusing her of improperly caring for their father as he suffered from Lewy body dementia.
The children say Jean Kasem isolated the longtime “American Top 40” host and moved him to a hospital in Washington state, where he died in June 2014. The case is set to go to trial next year.
Jean Kasem fired back with her own wrongful-death suit, filed at U.S. District Court in Tacoma, Washington, claiming Kasem’s three adult children from a previous marriage engaged in a “homicidal guardianship scam.”
Jean Kasem, the actress who played Loretta Tortelli on the long-running sitcom “Cheers,” also named as a defendant Catholic Health Initiatives, which owns the hospital in Gig Harbor, Washington, where Casey Kasem died.
She dropped the lawsuit against the children last year but still pursued her case against Catholic Health Initiatives. U.S. District Judge Benjamin H. Settle granted the hospital’s request for summary judgment and ruled in September that the facts “would not allow any rational juror to find for Jean.”
Michael Kelly, a Seattle-area attorney representing Jean Kasem, said they were discussing whether to appeal. She did not return an interview request made through Kelly.
Travis Campbell, who battled with his stepmother for the rights to visit Glen Campbell, and Kelly Rooney, who was isolated from father and actor Mickey Rooney, have supported Kerri Kasem’s efforts in public appearances and in testimony before state legislators.
Kerri Kasem said visitation is key, because abuse is more likely when an elderly person has become isolated.
“There is just nothing easy about this disease,” Drew said. “You see what this disease is doing to somebody you care about. It’s very stressful.”