Thank you for your service, or for killing?

Civilians don’t want to face the ugliness of war.

Civilians who have never experienced the raw savagery of combat will never know what it is like. Some fantasize through what they’ve seen in films and on television — I used to do that, too, as a young boy. But it is nothing like that. Nothing glamorous. Nothing spectacular.

Everything about it is life-changing to those who have to make that one conscious decision. Looking through the scope at a nameless enemy who is determined to kill you, and having squeezed the trigger of their rifle. There is a short “pop” in the shoulder for the shooter — but the recoil lasts longer than many will ever imagine.

This Veterans Day, thousands know this reality all too well. There are more who don’t. Most have no idea what to say to veterans. Most even stumble when sputtering out, “Thank you for your service.” Even though I think they subconsciously want to say, “Thank you for killing for me.”

There is no way to dance around the grim facets of war. In war, killing is what happens. To soldiers and Marines. To civilians who get caught in the crossfire and to the enemy who makes their own decisions to fight. In the end, it is a brutal and thrilling experience all wrapped together that has to be processed the rest of one’s life.

No one has ever come up to me and said, “Thank you for killing for me.” Although there are times I wish more would have the moral courage to say it to my face. To admit to themselves that this is what they expect from the warriors who protect their nation, their freedom.

Civilians, even the ones who vote for war, have always tried to find a way to separate and insulate themselves from its harsh realities. We have become a country so disconnected to war, we act as if it is not even happening — yet we have been at war for the past 17 years.

So why do so many Americans fumble when it comes to articulating what they want to say to veterans? Isn’t it enough to just say, “Thank you for your service”? Or do they honestly want to get more connected to veterans and ask them the more profound questions? I would say in my experience that they don’t. Keeping the ugliness of war tucked away in the minds of the veterans is more comfortable for most.

What I suppose most supporters really want to say is, “Thank you for serving, I know what you went through must have been tough, and I want you to know that I’m grateful for everything you have been through. How much you’ve sacrificed. How much courage that must have taken at such a young age — I could have never done what you did.” But that doesn’t roll quite as easily off the tongue while pumping your gas.

It doesn’t include the small percentage of daft Americans who blurt out, “Thanks for your service, so, how many people have you killed?” Their ignorant statements embarrass veterans, and themselves. Anyone who answers likely has never been in combat. Poseurs.

It’s not about getting credit for carrying out the worst aspects of our jobs as professional soldiers or having some insignificant, 60-second therapy session to unload on total strangers. It is all about understanding what we ask of our young men and women to do when we send them off to war — and that no matter how detached you think you may be from it, ultimately you voted for it, or had an opinion about it one way or the other. You’re part of it.

Our culture rarely wants to talk about death or killing unless it’s bolstered by some flowery parade with people waving flags. Or on days when the smell of hot dogs and hamburgers fills the air as small groups celebrate their day off at the expense of those who’ve served. How many readers have served a burger to a combat veteran? Served any veteran for that matter?

This isn’t “guilt patriotism” — this is the reality of the separation between those who’ve served and those who think they are “supporting the troops.” It’s not just a bumper sticker on your car. You have to do more. We must stand together as a nation at war.

Every day should be Veterans Day.

Retired Marine Corps Major Scott A. Huesing, author of “Echo in Ramadi: The Firsthand Story of U.S. Marines in Iraq’s Deadliest City,” commanded a battalion in Iraq.