32 things & winners
The 32 things we learned from Week 13 of the NFL season:
1. Congratulations to the Saints, who became the first team to clinch a playoff berth by beating Atlanta on Thanksgiving night to sew up the NFC South for the third consecutive year.
2. Condolences to the Dolphins, Lions, Cardinals, Falcons and Giants, who all joined the Bengals as teams officially eliminated from postseason consideration.
3. However ... hearty congratulations to those Bengals and rookie coach Zac Taylor after they finally broke into the win column after a franchise-worst 0-11 start while enduring a club record 13game losing streak.
4. Pay homage to the epic 2011 draft class before it’s gone. Cam Newton, Von Miller, Julio Jones, JJ Watt and A.J. Green are all currently sidelined with injuries.
5. With Lions rookie David Blough and Broncos rookie Drew Lock making their NFL debuts, the league has now seen 53 starting quarterbacks in 2019. If early returns are accurate, Lock and Blough look like they might stick around for a while.
6. The AFC playoff picture began to crystallize – it would seem anyway – with the Browns, Colts and Raiders all losing. It (currently) appears the Texans, Titans and Steelers will be battling for the conference’s final two slots.
7. The Titans never beat an Andrew Luck-led Colts team and last defeated a Peyton Manning-led Colts team in 2008. Good thing Jacoby Brissett was Indianapolis’ starter Sunday given he’s now lost to Tennessee three times in four starts.
8. Meanwhile, the Browns haven’t beaten the Steelers in Pittsburgh since 2003 nor swept them since 1988 ... and that remains the case. After getting embarrassed in Cleveland two weeks ago, the Steelers served up sweet revenge and seemed to cripple the Browns’ belated playoff push.
9. QB Devlin “Duck” Hodges definitely isn’t “killing” the Steelers, having now won both of his starts – the first undrafted rookie to do so since Ed Rubbert, a scab starter for the 1987 Redskins, and only the second since the 1970 merger.
10. New England South > New England.
11. If Sunday’s 49ers-Ravens game was a Super Bowl LIV preview – we’ll have another helping, please. San Francisco showed it has the defense and aggressive coaching from Kyle Shanahan to potentially counter Baltimore’s Lamar Jackson-led offense. The Ravens reminded us they have the best kicker in the business and enough defense to supplement Jackson on days he’s not filling up the box score.
12. If the Seahawks win Monday night, they will move into position as the NFC’s second seed, elevating the Saints into the top spot while dropping the 49ers to fifth.
13. Beware Thanksgiving guests. All three home teams lost on Turkey Day.
14. Props to the Dolphins, who have won three of five after an unsightly 0-7 start. Their upset of the Eagles included perhaps the special teams play of the year, P Matt Haack throwing to K Jason Sanders a nifty 1-yard TD pass on one of the better fake field goal attempts you’ll see.
15. Miami QB Ryan Fitzpatrick has faced the Eagles seven times, each in a different uniform. He’s the now the first player in the NFL’s 100 seasons to throw a touchdown pass against the same opponent in seven games while playing for a different team in each.
16. The magic of television. Fox’s field “overlay” amid snowy conditions at MetLife Stadium made the viewing experience of Packers-Giants far superior given the hash marks and yard lines were otherwise invisible for large stretches of the game.
17. Maybe a little defensive player of the year love for New Orleans DE Cam Jordan, whose four sacks on Thanksgiving give him a career-best 131⁄2 as he anchors one of the league’s more underappreciated units?
18. Based on their coaching and onfield performance on Thanksgiving, you could tell the Cowboys are a tightly wound and desperate team. Fortunately for them, the Eagles are a battered and disintegrating one, so Dallas remains atop the NFC East standings ... and will do so through the conclusion of Week 14 as well.
19. But let’s give Buffalo (overdue) credit. Have they played the toughest schedule? No. Do they have a signature win? If you’re not impressed by a win at Jerry World against the spiraling Cowboys, then no. But nine wins are still nine wins, second-year QB Josh Allen continues to trend in the right direction, and this is clearly a club that could find itself playing on divisional weekend against the Patriots or the Ravens, assuming those clubs maintain their current courses.
20. The Lions have held a lead in every game this season . ...
The Lions are 3-8-1.
21. The Chargers haven’t lost a game by more than seven points this season. ...
The Chargers have lost eight games (including one at Detroit).
22. Credit to the Dolphins and DeVante Parker. The wideout had never lived up to his 2015 first-round billing, but he and the team agreed to an incentive-laden, two-year deal before the season in lieu of the $9.4 million he would have made on his fifth-year option – money he hadn’t earned. But now Parker seems to be reaching his potential, presently on track for his first 1,000yard campaign after a 159-yard, two-TD effort in Sunday’s win. It was the first multi-TD game of Parker’s career.
23. Stop the presses. Saints WR Michael Thomas dropped a pass, ending a streak of 198 receptions without a drop, per ESPN Stats & Info.
24. So much for Oakland being legit. The Raiders have dropped to 6-6, losing their last two games by a collective 74-12 score.
25. The Rams’ 549 yards in Arizona were 7 shy of their most gained during the Sean McVay era.
26. No Buccaneer has ever led the league in sacks. Shaquil Barrett currently owns an NFL-best 141⁄2, one more than Jordan.
27. If you need a successfully executed onside kick, Atlanta’s Younghoe Koo might be your guy after he miraculously pulled off three Thursday (two that actually counted).
28. Shoutout to Redskins rookie QB Dwayne Haskins, who successfully executed his first game-ending kneeldown in the NFL.
29. Giants rookie QB Daniel Jones has now committed 21 turnovers in 11 games. But, uh, don’t worry, Big Blue fans ... Eli Manning exceeded 21 giveaways in four separate seasons.
30. The Jets had 10 more penalties – which is to say 10 – than red-zone trips Sunday while becoming the first team to lose to Cincinnati in 2019.
31. Hey, @BortlesFacts, the Rams are undefeated when Blake Bortles completes a pass for them. (He connected for his first of 2019 Sunday against Arizona.)
32. Dearest mother – Oh, the Humanity! Word arrives that the enemy once again broke through the lines, foiling our trusted sniper, Command Sergeant Major Vinatieri, repeatedly. I fear he is fading. I fear the weary men are fading amid rumors that onslaughts by the Texians and Titanic Men of Tennessee have become nearly insurmountable. The siren song of battle has never beckoned me so.