Social support is available when you can’t go to therapy
“I think too many people suffer because they don’t make their needs known.” Dr. Kathryn Smerling family psychotherapist
The fact that we can’t physically go in to therapists’ offices right now doesn’t mean we don’t still need them. On the contrary – getting social support in a time of crisis is more important than ever.
When a physical door closes, a virtual one opens: Therapists all over the country are responding to the coronavirus pandemic by getting creative with ways in which they can help clients and are suggesting other ways people can get the social support they need while being quarantined at home.
“I think too many people suffer because they don’t make their needs known,” says Dr. Kathryn Smerling, a family psychotherapist based in New York City, who highlighted the idea that grief is not restricted to those who have directly contracted the virus or lost a loved one.
“Your life has undergone a 360 degree change in a matter of weeks. It’s shocking. And I think people are just getting used to the idea that this may be the actual paradigm that we live under for a little while, which also causes great anxiety ... I think that you’ll be surprised that if you ask for what you need, you’ll be surprised at how many people are willing to give it to you. People want to help.”
Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Navigating virtual sessions
One way to get help right now is booking an appointment to speak with a therapist online: Across the country, mental health professionals are setting up virtual shop with Skype, Zoom, FaceTime or other medical industry-specific video chat services to help clients work through the stressors that comes with living through a pandemic.
Some therapists are going virtual for the first time. But others, like Madison, Wisconsin-based sex therapist Martha Kauppi, are already well-versed in that area. Five years ago, a major flood divided the city in two and forced her to take her practice online.
When Kauppi first began offering virtual appointments, the major hurdle was figuring out how to create the same emotional connection produced from an in-person session.
“That’s been an interesting learning curve to figure out how to make a good connection. And I actually think there are some real advantages to a video conference connection,” she says. For one, patients have a home court advantage: “They can wrap up in their favorite blanket, they can hold their cat on their lap,
they’ve got their therapy animals right there. There’s some potential for lots of nice features that aren’t possible when they come to an office.”
But for those who live with others, the key to being able to be as vulnerable as you would be in a private office lies in finding a secure place at home to talk. Kauppi advises moving into a room with a door that can close, putting on music in the next room to help drown out sound and using headphones.
“Getting enough psychic privacy to be really vulnerable is not easy in a house full of kids and daily living and partners and dinner,” she added.
Above all, therapists want to make it clear: Your feelings right now are valid and the fact that others may be struggling more does not negate your right to ask for help.
“There’s a widespread sense of a loss of control and a global sense of panic or anxiety, because no one knows what’s going to happen,” Smerling says. “And no one knows how long this is going to last and whether the world as we knew it will emerge after this is over. When there is the unknown, there is anxiety ... But we have to deal with it and in the end, hopefully, we will come out more resilient and stronger, with some takeaways from this pandemic that we’ll be able to make our lives better.”
Therapy on-demand: Chat, video and app services
Newer variations on therapy and mental wellness in the form of phone apps, texting and chatting sites are also helping to connect users to mental health professionals.
Many of these subscription-based models were founded on the idea of getting help from a professional while you’re unable to see a therapist in person (whether that’s because you’re in between sessions or can’t find another affordable option). But they’re seeing a resurgence amid quarantine.
Some options for online therapy subscriptions:
❚ Amwell: Online/app appointments ($85 to $99 per visit)
❚ BetterHelp: Online/app messaging and phone or video session ($40 to $70/ week)
❚ Talkspace: Online/app messaging and video therapy ($65 to $100/week)
❚ Wellnite: Online/app messaging, appointment calls and prescription medication shipping ($55 to $195/ month)
Support each other: Connect within your community
Through any sector of mental health, Smerling says it’s important to “get back to the relationships that we have that support us and hold us up.” Take advantage of the fact that technology lets us connect, whether it’s over text, a phone call or video chat.
Some ideas on how to stay connected:
❚ Set weekly social dates with a friend.
❚ Take part in online live workout classes.
❚ Schedule a virtual date night with your separately-quarantined significant other.
❚ If you’re single, make a virtual first date through a dating app.
❚ Call your parents or grandparents.
❚ Organize an online happy hour or tea with a group of friends.
❚ Check if your regular house of worship or other community groups offer online get-togethers.
❚ Help your elderly neighbors with groceries or donate to a cause that matters to you.