Don’t ‘pump the brakes,’ and please stop saying it
Hit the brakes. You know what I mean, right? Slow down. Check yourself.
For some reason though, the simple − and accurate − phrase “hit the brakes” has been widely replaced with “pump the brakes.”
In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya (“Princess Bride” fans will know who that is): I do not think that means what you think it means.
In fact, like the vengeful swordsman, I’m sure it doesn’t.
Phrases get twisted because people mishear or misunderstand them. “Getting on track,” a lovely and intuitive saying everybody understood when we rode trains, becomes sportscasters’ mystifying and meaningless “getting untracked.”
Huh?
Something similar happened with the simple, literal and crystal clear “Hit the brakes.” Anybody who’s driven a car, rode a bike … used just about any kind of land transportation other than skis and skateboards, really, knows what it means to hit the brakes: Slow your roll. Literally.
But recently, people who have no idea what “pump the brakes” actually means − or either of the two good reasons the phrase was once good advice − are using it to mean “Whoa up,” as NASCAR commentators say just before they achieve terminal folksiness.
It’s all downhill from here
“Pump the brakes” has very different origins from simply slowing down. Advances in brake technology and construction have rendered the words obsolete, but the action described still doesn’t do what people advising it think.
What does pumping the brakes do?
“Pump the brakes” was fine advice before antilock brakes were developed, when pushing the pedal to the floor could lead to the wheels locking up while the vehicle slid forward − a circumstance that used to be common on wet and slippery surfaces, usually ending in a collision.
It also worked in the rarer circumstances in which a vehicle was accelerating to dangerous speeds on a long downhill slope. If the driver held the brake pedal down all the way down a long hill, the brakes could overheat, losing the ability to slow the vehicle. In the absence of a sharply upward slanted “runaway truck lane,” the result could be the driver losing control, plowing into a tree, or shooting off the side of the mountain.
Bad outcomes
The likelihood of those disasters could be reduced by pumping the brakes, which doesn’t mean applying the brake for steady, controlled deceleration, as you do normally, but literally applying and lifting off the brake quickly and repeatedly. Done right − which wasn’t easy − pumping the brakes could keep the wheels from locking on a patch of ice, or prevent the brakes from getting so hot they failed going down a hill.
What is the purpose of ABS brakes?
Antilock brakes, also known as ABS, keep the brakes from locking. They’re required on all modern street vehicles.
New materials and designs less susceptible to overheating have reduced instances of cooking your brakes on long downward slopes, but shifting into a lower gear is still a good idea.
People who understand the original meaning of “pump the brakes” and why it was an important driving skill − have become rarer than valets expert with manual transmissions.
Say what you mean
“Back in the day, ‘pump the brakes’ was the safety briefing for your child, so they didn’t lock the brakes on wet pavement,” said Frank Markus, technical director for Motor Trend Magazine. “ABS has made that advice unnecessary.”
To avert disaster in a modern vehicle, hit the brakes, don’t pump them.
So, in the name of modern engineering and how much safer and more reliable it has made driving, can we put a halt to “pump the brakes?”
There are plenty of perfectly good phrases that describe the correct action and desired result: Check yourself. Easy, tiger. Slow down. Even “whoa up, pardner.”
People will probably keep saying “pump the brakes,” though. I’m afraid that horse has left the barn.
You remember horses, right? Beautiful animals. Smart, noble. No brakes.