Some rules of flying etiquette remain disputed

How can so many of you be so wrong?

I’ve written about airplane etiquette before, and I always thought the rules were pretty obvious, but it turns out, not so. Etiquette depends on a shared understanding of right and wrong, and apparently, we can’t even all agree on airplane armrests.

I’ve always thought it was an unwritten but absolute rule that the person in the middle seat gets access to both armrests as a courtesy. However, a 2023 survey by online booking platform Kayak polled more than 1,000 adults and found that more than half of you (57%) disagree with the idea that if you’re in the middle seat, you get to claim both armrests – which is honestly crazy because, in matters of decency, I am always right.

“Obviously, we travel a bunch ourselves at Kayak and one of the things that we had noticed increasingly is the airport has always been one of the places where rules are super strictly enforced, but then rules are also out the window,” Matthew Clarke, vice president of North American marketing for Kayak told me. “You can have a margarita at 6:30 in the morning,” but you can’t bring more than 3.4 ounces of liquid through security.

So what’s the deal? Who gets the armrests and what are the other unwritten and unenforceable rules of air travel?

Who gets the armrests?

There’s no definite answer. Disclaimer: I don’t care about the survey results. I will stick by the adage that the window seat person gets to control the shade, the middle seat person gets both armrests, and the aisle seat person gets to benefit from a little extra legroom and the convenience of standing up whenever they want to.

But, according to Kayak’s survey, only 43% of air travelers agree with me. Even Clarke said he was surprised by that result.

“This is what you get when you poll 1,000 people,” he said, nodding to how little common ground we have on some things.

Joe Schulz, 38, said he flies at least two or three times a month and is one of the people who disagrees with me.

“Maybe 10, 15 years ago, I was like yeah, middle seat people, they should get that armrest. But now it’s like, nah, it doesn’t make sense,” the Los Angeles resident told me. He said as airplanes pack more people into economy, he sees the armrests more as a physical barrier

between seats than anything else – a line that’s not to be crossed or infringed upon.

“Regardless of whether you chose to sit in the middle, I don’t think you’re entitled to the armrest,” he said. “As soon as that person in the middle puts their arms on the armrests, you’re getting jabbed by their elbows.”

Still, with 57% of travelers in Schulz’s camp, a fair number seem to agree that the middle seat person should get both armrests.

“I’d say it’s an unwritten rule, but it’s written a lot, just not a policy. It’s common courtesy,” Ryan Gregg, 49, told me.

Gregg, an automation technician from Lawrence, Kansas, flies about twice a week and said he’ll often switch his flight if there are only middle seats available. However, if he has no other choice, he expects access to both armrests.

“It’s the one thing you get for being stuck there,” he said.

What are the other unwritten rules of air travel?

We may not be able to agree about armrests, but at least 94% of us can agree that airplanes are not the right place to pop your pimples, according to Kayak.

Actually – why isn’t that number 100%?

No matter their views on the armrest issue specifically, everyone I spoke to for this column agreed that being a decent seat neighbor is all that matters when flying.

“Just be a decent human being. You’re stuck together for, depending on where you’re going, quite a while. I just keep to myself and be courteous of others,” Gregg said.

“Just respect each others’ personal space,” Schulz added.

“What we like to say is just be good people,” Clarke agreed. “Traveling is a lot of fun and a lot of stress, we just encourage people to be good people to each other.”

Perhaps not surprisingly, they didn’t all have the exact same ideas on how to carry that advice out, but as frequent travelers, they all had good insights on what matters when you fly:

⬤ Help everyone maximize overhead bin space by consolidating your stuff

⬤ Don’t let anyone else hear your electronics

⬤ Give the person behind you a heads-up before you recline your seat

But really the best advice of all is to keep reading Cruising Altitude for all the latest air travel and flying etiquette tips.