Stepping Out
She exploded on TikTok. Now Addison Rae considers IRL fame.
Addison Rae considers IRL fame
For my 16th birthday, my mom, my two best friends, and I came to L.A. for the first time. We made a beeline off the plane to a restroom at the car-rental place, where we slammed open our luggage and started putting on makeup. I was like, “Mascara, mascara! Lipstick, lipstick!” We thought if we wore sunglasses everywhere, people would think we were famous. On that trip we were sure we saw Snoop Dogg, so we started following him around and taking pictures on the sly. It wasn’t Snoop Dogg after all!
Though 79 million people follow me on TikTok now, I don’t feel famous. Most of them came during the pandemic, so I haven’t experienced what that’s like in person. I’m a girl from Louisiana who only graduated from high school in 2019—but because of my platform, it feels like I’m expected to know and understand everything all of a sudden. The truth is I’m just starting to figure things out.
One thing I can’t wait to do once the world opens up again is travel. Outside of the States, I’ve only been to the Bahamas and Mexico. I want to go everywhere. Smush me in a middle seat with no legroom; I don’t care. I moved around a lot as a kid, so meeting new people has always been a part of my life, but I find myself feeling more socially awkward than I’ve ever been because of lockdown. I’m not sure how to start conversations anymore. Do we say hi? Do we not? Do we bump elbows? Do we hug? I can’t wait to go out there and hug people! I miss hugging.
I also miss seeing people’s faces. On the set of my movie, He’s All That, which we filmed entirely during the pandemic, I’d yell across the room at someone I’d been working with for days and say, “Pull your mask down for one second; I want to see your face!” And they would flash it, and I’d be like, “Oh, my gosh! I had no idea that’s what you looked like!” I haven’t had a single dream in the last year where people are wearing masks. How odd is that? I guess it’s my brain’s way of finding peace.
Speaking of peace, I started therapy this past year. I never thought it was something I’d do before. But being unfiltered and not having to worry about what you say is a relief, especially when you’re putting yourself out there and people are constantly judging you. Like, if I don’t post something with a friend for a long time, people immediately jump to “Oh, they hate each other,” and that becomes the narrative. When it’s like, no, we’ve just been busy with our lives.
You can start to second- guess yourself when there’s so much written about you. People say confidence is the key to everything, but I think it’s more about acceptance: This is who I am, this is what I look like, this is why I’m here. I’ve recently started turning my phone off before bed and putting it in a different room so it’s not the first thing I go to when I wake up. My entire generation’s glued to our phones. We’re so used to knowing what everyone’s doing, where they’re doing it and with who. In therapy, I’ve been working on boundaries. I’ve always been a very open person, so it’s weird to have to find the line between what you want people to know and what you want to keep private. I’m still adjusting to that.
I like watching people too. Being an observer is as important as being observed. You can really decide what you want and don’t want out of life by seeing the kinds of choices people make. For me, it’s all about not having regret. I try not to overthink my decisions. If there ’s one thing the pandemic’s taught me, it’s that life changes fast and nothing’s promised, so take advantage of every second.
That said, there are a few things I’ll miss about this unique moment. I’m grateful for the time I’ve had for myself—spending it off-line, working out, painting or doing guided meditations to stay grounded. And then there are the little things, like being able to take 10 meetings a day from my own bedroom and not needing to put pants on for a single one.