Our best intentions may not be what's best for a developing child
For the next few weeks, the WDN will publish a series of articles to help parents, grandparents, and really anyone who loves a preschooler learn important points about child development. These articles will include ways we can help our favorite preschoolers to navigate early childhood.
By Carrie Knoch Director of Student Achievement, Wapakoneta City Schools
Are You Too Helpful? In Kindergarten we have noticed an abnormal increase in the number of students that can’t do things like open milk cartons, zip up coats, unload their backpacks, get out and open their pencil boxes and put on their own jackets. Some of these things we could attribute to an alarming lack of fine motor development (finger/hand muscles). But that’s only a small part of the problem in reality. Our students aren’t poorly behaved and lazy. They aren’t being purposefully obstinate. So, we have to consider another influence...learned helplessness. As adults, we are doing far too much for children.
Our lives are hectic. We are constantly rushing to one activity or appointment to another. The time it takes to wait for children to do things can be maddening. As parents and teachers, we are nurturing and accommodating. When a child shows frustration we help them. This may seem like a natural reaction. But there are consequences to that reaction.
First, when we rush to help we send a message to the child that they are not capable of completing the task. This doesn’t make them
feel bad or inadequate because they are receiving that message from a trusted and loved adult. However, they are developmentally capable of doing these things. So, we are sending the absolute wrong message. We do not want to undermine a child’s development because we are inpatient or worse, have anxiety about failure and are trying to protect them.
Through practice and trial and error, children also learn some key character traits. They learn to be problem solvers. They learn patience and diligence. They learn not to give up in the face of adversity. As we watch them with encouragement they also learn something else. They learn that the loved and trusted adults in their lives believe in them and know they are capable of tackling new challenges.
Children between three and five need about 12 of these a day...in the next installment in this series you can find out if you know what this daily dozen is.