Missing Fathers: Redeem The Renegade Men

PART 3 OF A SERIES ON FATHERHOOD

Absentee fathers cost Americans billions of dollars yearly, not to mention the toll it takes on the boys and girls who grow up without a daddy. When a man reneges on his responsibility as a father, he becomes, in the eyes of God, a renegade.

When I grew into manhood and met the woman I was to marry, I carried the ideal image of the family in my mind. I wanted a wife, two kids, a career, and the blessing of hearing my children call me, “Daddy!” I got all of that and more.

Fatherlessness is a departure from the norm. It is not the way God or nature designed the family to function. It is a strange word to use but everyone knows what it means. Cold statistics don’t readily convey the inner pain of a fatherless boy or girl’s reality, but try to imagine it.

A little girl whose daddy loves her with wholesome affection will never need to go “looking for love in all the wrong places.” She’s already secure in the love of her father’s strong arms. Because of a good daddy, any juvenile male wanting to mess with her will have a very high standard to measure up to before she’ll let her guard down. Any young man who faces challenges and tests from life’s hard knocks will be able to remember the words of his father saying, “Son, you can do it. I believe in you!”

Fathers provide security, identity, and self-worth to their children. Plus, kids see dad’s faithful love towards their mother; they witness his steady presence in the home and at their dinner table; and they know intuitively that this is how life works best. Dad and Mom as a team make a home!

Some men don’t realize how important their role is as a father. Perhaps we men should consider that forming the values and vision of a small human being — our own offspring — is the most important task any man can have. Fathers get to leave a lasting legacy.

What is the cure for fatherlessness? The damage is widespread and entrenched. It may take a generation to fix it — if it can be fixed! The first step is awareness. The second step is personal — men need to repent!

I have a pastor friend in another state who distributes bumper stickers with these words: “It takes a man to teach a man how to be a man.” Teaching a man to be a father requires another man, a man with a father’s heart. You imitate it rather than learn it from a book.

Do you know who ought to train a young man? His own biological father! Men, stay involved in your child’s life.

If a child’s father can’t regularly be there, then some trustworthy male — an uncle, brother, grandfather — can step in like a foster father. Any good man can serve as a father figure, even a coach or pastor. Women make good mothers but they can’t replace a man’s role as father.

Fatherhood is an ancient idea, found in the Bible. In the Old Testament, God told the men to train their children. Abraham was chosen partly because of his father’s heart. In the New Testament, Jesus revealed God as Father, “Abba!” The apostles taught men to love their wives and train up their children. Church leaders had to be good fathers to qualify as elders or deacons.

The two-parent family exists for the children’s sake. It is a godly pattern. It gives us a glimpse of God’s kingdom on earth: a microcosm of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit; a community of covenant-love derived from the redemption that Christ offers.