Male and Female: How Do I Figure Her Out

After all these years you’d think I’d have figured her out. I’ve been married to her for 45 years. But I haven’t got this down quite yet. Am I the only man who admits this? Women are like a giant jigsaw puzzle with extra pieces that don’t fit the picture on the box. The Bible instructs husbands to “live with our wives in an understanding way.” (1 Peter 3:7) Every husband realizes that this role is not a simple one.

This particular brilliant woman — although I love her and would marry her all over again in a heartbeat — still remains a mystery to me. She’s intuitive, so she easily figures me out. But I don’t understand her like I want to. What motivates her? What’s in her heart? Why does she seem to think like a… well, like a woman?

Don’t get me wrong. I celebrate our differences. Thank God, men and women are not the same! For example, women’s bodies are not like men’s bodies. We’re bulky, angular. They’re curvy, softer. I think that’s nice, don’t you? Who came up with that brilliant idea? This lovely distinction made Adam exclaim about Eve, “Wow!”

Every man can remember growing up and first noticing females. Ladies have adorable attributes that are fascinating to us men, more so when we’re single and searching. As a happily married man, I’ve fixed my gaze and focused my affection on just one woman. When I was young, my pastor said, “It’s not the first look that’s a sin; it’s the second!” Humans have a built-in sex drive. We’re drawn toward fulfilling it. God’s only restriction for the gift of sex was to keep its activity within marriage.

Sex is more than physical distinctions; more than an inny or outy for sex organs. We even think and feel differently. A woman’s soul isn’t the same as a man’s. We’re either masculine or feminine. Humans have been this way all through history. Men are warriors. Women are nurturers. Both can bond and become builders.

Can a woman go to war? Sure, but her body isn’t built for battle, it’s built for babies. Can a man hold a crying baby? Sure, but he’ll never be able to nurse it. A man can run faster and fight harder. Yet women can be tough if they must. Men can be tender when it’s time. Women are often smarter, understand people better, have greater management skills, and are better communicators than men. But male traditions hold women back. The culture that Jesus taught changes this in a big way.

Our male and female counterparts are meant to integrate in marriage. When we’re united in love, we reflect the full image of God. God enjoys the union of a couple in soul and body. Sex doesn’t embarrass God. He blesses it. When a man gives his love to his wife, she can safely trust him and honor him as he cherishes her. That’s biblical submission. It has boundaries to avoid the abuse of women by men. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

Men, do you know that God holds us responsible for our marriage? If we’re unfaithful, if we’re disrespectful or say hurtful things, if we don’t honor her, the Lord judges us by not listening to our prayers. (1 Peter 3:7-12) On the other hand, there is an inheritance in this life for couples, the grace of life. It is God’s reward if we adhere to his guidelines for behaving right in our marriage. (1 Peter 3:7-9)

For me, I’d like to better relate to this delightful woman the Lord brought into my life, the one with whom I’m in covenant, my wife. Maybe if I understand her better then I can be a more thoughtful husband… and remember to take out the trash.