Vacate The Judge’s Seat And Offer Forgiveness

When was the last time you forgave someone? Have you ever forgiven your enemies? Do you carry resentment or anger? For years, I carried a boiling cauldron of anger, like molten lead. But I didn’t know where it came from.

Here’s the back-story. Dad had been an abusive drunk who ended up in a nursing home, having pickled his brain. Then something happened that set up a miracle of salvation.

I didn’t have a normal childhood. Who would be waiting at home after school? The brilliant father or the sloppy, violent drunk? As an adult in a special category — ACOA — adult child of an alcoholic, I carried an emotional void toward my dad. I didn’t hate him — or at least I wouldn’t admit it. I felt nothing. I’d walled-off my feelings because it hurt too much.

Perhaps if I had not been raised in church, trained in how we ought to behave, I would’ve allowed myself to hate my father but I wouldn’t own it.

As a pastor, I prayed for my church members to be healed of sickness. I confined this ministry to physical recovery and I saw healings happen. Then I learned about inner healing or emotional wholeness. I saw the association between personal freedom and forgiving others.

I decided that not feeling affection for dad was abnormal. It was a clue about my state of well-being, not his. I realized that I should forgive my dad. Honestly, I didn’t feel a need for it. I didn’t want to be close to him. I’d decided long ago not to follow in his steps. But I knew somehow that the act of forgiving dad was the right thing to do even if it didn’t make sense.

So, I took a trip to the nursing home where my father was a patient. My teenage son, Scott, went with me. Dad had been on medication to counteract the damage to his brain from drinking too much. His diagnosis was alcoholic senility with occasional violent moods.

On the day of our visit, dad was calm and cogent so that we could have a conversation.

“Dad, I came to see you today to tell you something. You drank too much. You’d get violent and you hit mom. You made me feel ashamed and afraid. Dad, you hurt the family. I hated you. I wanted nothing to do with you. But I’m here to tell you, I forgive you! And because a son shouldn’t have to judge his father, I ask you to forgive me for judging you.”

We wept. We spoke words of forgiveness. It was a significant turning point in my soul. The few years he had left on earth were different because we removed the roadblocks to our relationship. For the first time since childhood, I felt affection for my dad. It felt good inside.

That same year my twin brother had privately gone to dad and done the same thing. We didn’t coordinate it. We forgave dad for the hurt and shame he brought to the family. We had received grace from Christ. We discovered that we had the power to give it away.

A few months later, dad got saved. But that’s another story for another day. By means of forgiveness, grace was released into an impossible situation.

Try it. Think of a person, a party, a relative, a group: someone you resent or hold righteous anger about. Dare to forgive them. Do it first. Don’t wait on them. Say it out loud. Vacate the Judge’s seat and watch what happens.

RON WOOD IS A WRITER, MINISTER AND TEACHER. EMAIL HIM AT WOOD.STONE.RON@GMAIL.COM OR VISIT WWW. TOUCHEDBYGRACE.ORG. THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHOR.

“Think of a person, a party, a relative, a group: someone you resent or hold righteous anger about. Dare to forgive them.”