For­give­ness: Why It Is Im­por­tant

Washington County Enterprise-Leader - - COMMUNITY - Car­rie Nick­les WCEL Colum­nist

So this time of year peo­ple will tell you that the hol­i­days is a time of for­giv­ing. What ex­actly is for­giv­ing a per­son and why is it im­por­tant?

For­give­ness is a word we hear all the time, but what does it re­ally mean? How do we get there? How do we know we have been able to for­give?

Let me try to an­swer some of these ques­tions. I can tell you why you need to for­give, be­cause liv­ing your life be­ing an­gry and stuck due to ‘some­thing’ or ‘some­one’ that hap­pened in the past can cause a per­son to be mis­er­able. So whether it is the need to look in the mir­ror and for­give your­self, be­cause you messed up, or for­giv­ing some­one who has wronged you or hurt you… it is nec­es­sary. No one wants to be mis­er­able.

Peo­ple of­ten will say that they have ‘for­given’ but the truth is if they are still think­ing about this is­sue, still get­ting up­set and ag­i­tated and even an­gry about the is­sue, then you re­ally have not for­given.

To for­give is to be able to let go, move on, progress beyond the anger and the ag­i­ta­tion and to be at peace with what­ever it is and who­ever is in­volved. Peo­ple will say “I have for­given you, but I have not for­got­ten.” The mem­ory is still there but the height­ened hurt and anger are able to be ab­sent with true gen­uine for­give­ness.

I, like so many peo­ple, used to be­lieve I had for­given but I would still be­come so an­gry about the event or wrong do­ing that it could take me back and ruin my day. I guess you could say, I was hold­ing a grudge. Are you guilty of this too? I am now able to re­mem­ber things that hap­pened and not get hurt be­cause I gen­uinely have rec­og­nized that the lack of for­give­ness has done noth­ing for me but hurt me and cause me to be dis­tracted from the im­por­tant things that are go­ing on in my life.

Maybe it’s time you learn to gen­uinely for­give and learn that you don’t have to live in mis­ery, that just be­cause wrong has hap­pened in your life, blame and anger are not ben­e­fit­ing you. I guess Ge­orge H. W. Bush per Alan Simp­son can still teach us some­thing: “Ha­tred cor­rodes the con­tainer it is car­ried in.”

For­give, re­lease the anger, the blame and the hate be­fore it ru­ins you.

CAR­RIE NICK­LES, LPC, IS A FOR­MER COUN­SELOR WITH OZARK GUID­ANCE AND IS SEE­ING PA­TIENTS TUES­DAYS AND THURS­DAYS AT PRAIRIE GROVE HEALTH AND WELL­NESS CEN­TER. CON­TACT HER AT CAR­RIE.NICK­[email protected]

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