Doses Of Rodeo Humor

LINCOLN — Loud speakers boom out an introduction over the noise of the crowd and critters as the announcer introduces the rodeo clown.

“Ladies and gentlemen, live in the center of the rodeo arena and quite frequently scrambling to stay that way… Surrounded by the world’s most dangerous brand of livestock — rough stock … Now, here’s a man who has never eaten the same slice of apple pie twice … say a great big howdy to …”

All of a sudden the announcer pauses, realizing the rodeo clown isn’t there.

Hazard Pay

Winded and gasping for breath the rodeo clown frantically makes his way into the arena only to be chastised by the announcer for his late arrival.

The clown protests telling the announcer there’s a good reason why he almost didn’t make it to the rodeo.

“Why’s that?” the announcer wants to know.

The clown smirks and makes a silent aside to the audience pointing out his black and white prison garb.

“I got caught in a speed trap driving through Hazard County.”

The announcer isn’t buying that for one second.

“Hazard County? Where exactly is that?”

The clown launches into typical banter short on information. “In the south.”

The announcer still isn’t convinced.

“How, pray tell, did you get out of that one?”

The clown scratches his head as if concocting a story.

“I’m telling you, I had to appear before honorable Justice of the Peace J.D. Hogg.”

The announcer continues to express disbelief.

“Don’t tell me, did J.D. Hogg sentence you to work on a gang chain?”

The clown points to the digit “01” he is wearing as his unofficial contestant or perhaps chain-gang number.

“Yes, but then he decided to offer me community service and promised to tear up the speeding ticket if I performed along with bullfighters at the Hazard Rodeo.”

The announcer is still trying to get to the bottom of the mystery. “You’re kidding?”

The clown interrupts. “But, I turned him down.” The announcer shakes his head. “What did you do that for?” The clown then delivers his punch line.

“Because he wouldn’t offer me hazard pay.”

Gender Equality

Later in the rodeo performance the clown stages one more skit telling the announcer he is promoting rodeo as a sport establishing gender equality.

Many of the spectators have heard these lines before so they know to expect there’s going to be some kind of twist but this is a new routine, something fresh as the rodeo clown launches into a tall tale about a little boy examining the contents of his mother’s purse.

He finds her lipstick and asks, “What’s this?”

“Lipstick,” she says. “What’s it for?”

She expertly applies some on her lips and looks in the mirror.

“Let me try some,” the boy reaches for the lipstick.

His mom scolds him.

“No, you can’t use lipstick. It’s not for boys, it’s only for girls.”

Feeling excluded he protests, “That’s not fair.”

The clown then declares this is how he got into rodeo.

Puzzled the announcer inquires, “How’s that again?”

The clown reveals, “I found out there’s one kind of boy who gets to wear lipstick, that’s the rodeo clown. So, I’m here to promote gender equality, and that’s how my career was born.”