Ask America’s ultimate experts
Having just one good pal slashes stress and even boosts longevity by 22%, according to a recent study. Here, experts reveal the best ways to make connections and keep them flourishing
Meet new pals Consider these activities
Sure, joining a club is a great way to meet new people—and some groups have greater palmaking potential than others: Being in a choir, for example, promotes a sense of harmony and camaraderie that helps folks make friends more easily, per a recent study. Another option? Volunteering. “It triggers a ‘helper’s high’ that makes us feel more connected,” reveals friendship expert Shasta Nelson. “And when we’re sharing the same values, we bond more quickly.”
Look under your nose
Back in our school days, we made pals more easily since we were forced to interact with others daily. As adults, we still have those required daily interactions but rarely take full advantage of them, says friendship expert Kayleen Schaefer. “You and your co-workers, for example, already have something in common, so why not take that second step of asking them to have coffee?” she suggests. There are added benefits to making “cubicle confidantes”: Folks who report at least one good pal at work are more productive.
Log on to connect
The newest way to make friends? Posting comments on your favorite blog or message board, says therapist and friendship researcher Nicole Sbordone. More and more, frequent online commenters are meeting up in person. And a lot of sites are even scheduling get-togethers for fans where you can meet folks who share your passion.
Deepen connections Spill some secrets
“Confiding something meaningful about yourself—from a recent setback to your dreams for the future—is what separates a true friend from an acquaintance,” notes Nelson. In fact, one study found that when participants were prompted to skip small talk and engage in a revealing 45-minute conversation with someone they just met, they reported a sense of closeness with the stranger that usually takes months to achieve!
Grow closer with novelty
Have a pal you only see once a week at church or the Y? Consider meeting up outside that usual context, advises Nelson. “When someone is categorized as a ‘church friend’ or ‘gym pal,’ for example, the relationship is limited to that place, which keeps it from growing and deepening.” But studies show when friends or acquaintances engage in novel experiences together and break out of the same-old patterns, be it by attending a paint ’n’ sip or browsing a flea market, they report greater friendship satisfaction.
Boost ties with two S’s
There are two feelings at the heart of the healthiest friendships: satisfaction and safety, reveals Nelson. “The most satisfying relationships have more positivity than negativity,” she says. “Little things, like letting your friend know how much you appreciate her, pump up that positivity. As for safe, we feel most secure in our friendships when we have consistency, like a planned weekly phone call. All of this builds trust— the bedrock of friendship.”