Teenage girl feels pres­sure from so­ci­ety to have sex

Woonsocket Call - - Amusements - Jeanne Phillips


I'm a teenage girl who has al­ways heard and seen on TV and in movies that there's pres­sure from guys to have sex. That may be true, but I feel there is also pres­sure from so­ci­ety. I never thought I would feel like that when I got to high school, but now I do. It hurts, and I am writ­ing this for all the girls who feel the same way I do about it. I have been strug­gling with it for a few days, and it is mess­ing with me a lot.

I know I don't want to have sex yet, but I still feel like I have to. "Tom" re­ally wants to, but he isn't a vir­gin. It scares me, and while he isn't pres­sur­ing me, I feel like there is a boul­der on my shoul­ders. If you know how I can stop feel­ing like this, please let me know.


DEAR PRES­SURE: A surefire way to feel less pres­sured into do­ing some­thing you're not ready for would be to stop as­sum­ing Tom's sex drive is YOUR re­spon­si­bil­ity.

Re­mem­ber that al­though many teenage girls have been pres­sured into hav­ing sex, a siz­able num­ber have not. If you choose to wait un­til you are older, that's your priv­i­lege, be­cause re­gard­less of what you're see­ing on TV and in the movies, "ev­ery­one else" ISN'T do­ing it.


My wife and I have two amaz­ing chil­dren, and while they do re­quire a lot of at­ten­tion, I feel like I'm get­ting the short end of the stick. My wife works third shift, while I work 8 to 5. She's off two days out of two weeks, but even then, she's on call it seems like all the time. When I try to make time for us, things come up more of­ten than not and it gets pushed aside.

We used to have time for each other, and we are talk­ing about hav­ing an­other child. How do I find the time for one more child when we don't have enough time for each other? I'm be­gin­ning to think she doesn't want to be around me any­more, or she's no longer in love with me or that she's cheat­ing on me. I don't want to be­lieve it, but I don't know what else to think. What should I do?


DEAR NEEDS TIME: Have you told your wife all the things you are telling me? If you haven't, place it at the top of your agenda. Feel­ing the way you do, you should be talk­ing about im­prov­ing your mar­riage be­fore en­larg­ing your fam­ily and the re­spon­si­bil­i­ties that go along with it. Not only should you and your wife be schedul­ing alone time to­gether, you should also con­sult a li­censed fam­ily ther­a­pist to re­open the lines of com­mu­ni­ca­tion be­tween the two of you.


Could you please tell me what's proper in a sit­u­a­tion like this? My hus­band and I are al­ways in­vited to his fam­ily's hol­i­day cel­e­bra­tions. When we ac­cept, the in­vi­ta­tion is also ex­tended to my mother and sis­ter. If my hus­band and I are un­able to at­tend, should my mother and sis­ter still go or con­sider their in­vi­ta­tion can­celed?


DEAR JAN: If the in­vi­ta­tions that were ex­tended were ac­cepted by your mother and sis­ter, and they are ex­pected, they should at­tend.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and get­ting along with peers and par­ents is in "What Ev­ery Teen Should Know." Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)


Comedy per­former David Oss­man is 81. Ac­tor Pa­trick Bauchau is 79. Coun­try singer He­len Cor­nelius is 76. Ac­tor James Naughton is 72. For­mer Trans­porta­tion Sec­re­tary Ray LaHood is 72. For­mer Sen. Don Nick­les, R-Okla., is 69. Ac­tress JoBeth Wil­liams is 69. Ac­tor Tom Hulce is 64. Ac­tor Wil Shriner is 64. Ac­tor Kin Shriner is 64. Ac­tor Miles Chapin is 63. Co­me­dian Steven Wright is 62. Coun­try singer Bill Lloyd is 62. Singer Tish Hi­no­josa is 62. Rock mu­si­cian Peter Buck (R.E.M.) is 61. Rock mu­si­cian David Lover­ing (Pix­ies) is 56. Ac­tress Ja­nine Turner is 55. Rock mu­si­cian Ben Watt (Ev­ery­thing But The Girl) is 55. Writer-di­rec­tor Judd Apa­tow is 50.

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