Pen-pricks

• President Trump urged Congress to get to work this week on legislation to replace ObamaCare and to cut taxes. The country is split over him. The latest poll shows that 44 percent of Americans want to re-elect President Trump, while 44 percent want whatever Tiger was taking.

• Psychology Today last week listed procrastination, drugs, alcohol, comfort eating, and career self-destruction as the commonest forms of self-sabotage. The race to self-destruction can be competitive. Bill Maher just told Tiger Woods and Kathy Griffin that Amateur Night is on Mondays.

• The Republican head of the U.S. Senate Intelligence Committee is reportedly trying to round up all the copies of the torture report denouncing the CIA for its treatment of captured terrorists. Trump says he wants to bring back water-boarding. He said it will be the best torture ever — we’ll use Perrier.

• Psychology Today published a study showing that talents you never knew you had can pop up later in life. I didn’t practice, I didn’t dedicate myself to the game, I even gave it up for 30 years, but I can finally say I’m a better driver than Tiger Woods. Sometimes, you’ve got to let it come to you.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.