Pen-pricks

• United Airlines gave a passenger a $10,000 travel voucher for volunteering to give up her seat on an over-sold flight. It seems air travel has never been more miserable. If Confucius were alive today, he’d say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a screaming baby in coach.

• Los Angeles hosted a big student march against school shootings. One Pennsylvania school district armed each desk with a bucket of rocks that the kids can throw at any shooter who enters the room. No one knows what will happen if the attacker comes armed with paper and scissors.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.