Pen-pricks
• The White House worked swiftly to try to complete trade deals with Mexico and China to make sure U.S. farmers have plenty of food customers abroad. No shortage here. Americans have more food to eat than people from any other nation in the world and more diets to keep them from eating it.
• President Trump will go to Paris to mark the centennial of the end of World War I. It was started when Austria’s Archduke was assassinated in his parade car in Serbia after the Archduke ordered his driver to go back up the parade route a second time for one more round of applause. Millions died because the duke forgot the first rule of show business, always leave them wanting more.
• ESPN announced it will not televise the National Anthem before the network’s Monday Night Football games and will air a commercial instead. It was a tough call. The Dixie Chicks just recorded a new opening title song, All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight, Except the Patriotic Ones.
• The White House reported U.S. unemployment hit a 44-year low Tuesday, dipping below four percent with more jobs open than applicants to fill them. It’s a nightmare for Democrats. At the rate unemployment is dropping, there won’t be anyone available in two years to replace Trump.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.