Pen-pricks

• The Hollywood Reporter said viewer ratings for all three major cable news channels are way up ever since President Trump was elected to office. The networks air endless partisan diatribes hour after hour. Cable news is why losing your hearing once you get old is now considered a reward.

• Louisiana State University announced it has a home for chimps who need a place to stay now that research on them is banned. Journal Nature reported this month that chimpanzees use tools more than any other animal except man. This is why you never loan a chimp your Home Depot card.

• The Getty Museum in Los Angeles announced it will host a major Christmas season display of the work of the great Renaissance classic artists. Every civilization’s art is self-describing. The French use art to glorify love, the Italians use art to glorify God, while Americans prefer taking selfies.

• Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin said China agreed to remove tariffs from U.S. automobiles Monday. Comedians are nervous. If Trump’s trade policy works, his North Korean policy works, no Russia collusion is found, and the economy works, we’re basically back to making fun of his hair.