PEN-PRICKS
• Apple CEO Tim Cook published a lowerthan-expected earnings warning recently prompting investors to panic, resulting in a stock sell-off of 10 percent of Apple’s worth. It lost $75 billion in company value. The last time Apple fell like this, Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity.
• Southwest Airlines founder Herb Kelleher was fondly eulogized after he died earlier this month at age 87. During the viewing of the body, I got stuck in Group C. Ten minutes after the service began, a light went off in the chapel letting the mourners know it was safe to move about the funeral.
• Iowa’s joyous response to Democratic candidates made me feel like I should run for president in 2020. Why not? When I read about Trump’s womanizing, W. Bush’s drinking, Bill Clinton’s pot smoking and Obama’s past cocaine use, I realize that I have what it takes to be four presidents in one.
• The White House assured the nation that the government shutdown won’t affect our security and protection. Last Sunday morning, the U.S. Coast Guard seized 90,000 pounds of pure cocaine off a ship in the Eastern Pacific. It very nearly canceled the Golden Globes that night.