Pen-pricks
• A Petco poll said 60 percent of Americans prefer dogs as their pets. Last week I went to the store while sitting my neighbor’s dog Barney, and I left the cable TV news on to keep him company. When I got back Barney met me at the front door and told me the Russians had pooped in the kitchen.
• President Trump’s State of the Union performance was ripped by CNN despite 76 percent of Americans liking it. At the National Zoo last week, Trump rescued a child who’d fallen into the lion’s habitat, where Trump leaped into the habitat, punched the lion in the face, snatched the child and escaped to the cheers of the crowd. That night CNN reported that Trump attacked an African immigrant and stole his lunch.
• The motion picture academy announced that the Oscars ceremony will go without a host for the first time in history. The Oscars is in two weeks and after that the town has to buckle down to business. It’s tax season time in Hollywood, and everybody is busy getting their #MeToo’s together.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.