PEN-PRICKS

• Forbes ranked the New York Knicks the world’s most valuable sports franchise at $4 billion. The team is just terrible this year. If the Army Corps of Engineers could put up bricks as fast as the Knicks put up bricks every night, the border wall would be finished by now and 40 feet high.

• The White House pulled the U.S. out of its missile deal with Russia because Russia is cheating to get ahead. Scientists did move the Doomsday Clock up to 90 seconds before midnight last week. Western civilization is so suicidal that we schedule Valentine’s Day in the middle of flu season.

• The National Retail Federation predicted that Americans will spend $20 billion on Valentine’s gifts this year. It’s an emotion-packed week. Valentine’s Day is always followed by President’s Day, which honors politicians, so we pretty much cover love and hate in only five days.

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.