Pen-pricks

• Consolidated Edison officials reported to New York utilities authorities Monday on the causes of Saturday evening’s electrical power outage that blacked out all of Midtown Manhattan. Power officials announced the blackout was due to flaming transformers. I thought they shut that bar down.

• President Trump was challenged by Joe Biden to a push-ups contest, which prompted Bernie Sanders to challenge Trump to a one-mile footrace. All three men are well over 70 years of age. For crying out loud, the best athlete in this group is the first one who can shout Bingo!

• The Tour de France began as cyclists pedal from Paris out to Normandy down to the Pyrenees across the South of France, then up the Rhone Valley to the Belgian border then back to Paris. It takes two weeks. I can never tell which bicyclists are on steroids and which ones are the control group.

• Men’s Health reports Baby Boomers can add ten years to their lives by exercising and valuing the gift of life. I spend all day watching cable news, eating fast food and tweeting, and whenever I offer my opinions onstage people just laugh. I need to get my act together or I could become president.

• Vladimir Putin urged the U.S. to trade captured Russia spy Konstantin Yaroshenko for captured Americans. U.S. Special Forces intercepted Yaroshenko in Liberia in a transport plane loaded with cocaine headed for Los Angeles. It’s regarded in Hollywood as the greatest aviation disaster in history.