Pen-pricks

• The National Football League got underway with almost all the stadiums empty as the sport faces an uncertain season. The virus isn’t the only problem that threatens the schedule. Responsible voices are advising the NFL commissioner to delay the Super Bowl until after the Civil War.

• CBS News chided Joe Biden for a lazy campaign, prompting Joe’s campaign to respond he intends to stay on message if he campaigns in person or from the basement. Biden says Trump has divided this country and kept us all apart. It’s the only thing that’s kept us alive in the last six months.

• Petco pet food stores ran a survey of Millennials which found that 60 percent prefer a dog as a household pet while 40 percent prefer a cat. I read where a house cat will cough up an average of 180 fur balls during its lifetime. That’s still more than Congress gets done.

• Business Week said that grocery store shelves could be in danger of running out of Diet Coke because the drink’s sweetener is made in China’s quarantined interior. That issue no longer affects me. I gave up Diet Coke in 1982 when Nancy Reagan made them take the cocaine out of the formula.

• The Justice Department is going to look into a story that Robert Mueller’s Russia probe legal team have erased everything on their phones. Ostensibly it’s so their communications and political biases would never see the light of day. They did it on advice of their IT tech advisor, Hillary.

• The Hollywood Reporter disclosed that production on the new Batman movie has been halted because the film’s star Robert Pattinson has contracted Covid. That’s so ironic. Having Batman catch a disease from an infected bat is like Aqua Man coming down with a case of the crabs.