PEN-PRICKS
• The Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial riveted the country with the gory and embarrassing personal details of their celebrity marriage gone bad. It is widely believed now that Depp fastened a clothes pin over his nose whenever he went to bed at night. He was hoping to achieve Heard immunity.
• Dave Chappelle ripped L.A.’s DA for not filing felony charges against his onstage attacker at the Hollywood Bowl. No charges were filed against Will Smith for assaulting Chris Rock, either. Now the January 6th rioters could get off Scot-free by claiming the U.S. Capitol is just another comedy club.
• Senator Chuck Schumer reacted to the draft decision that’d strike down Roe vs. Wade by pushing a bill to legalize abortion and take it out of the Supreme Court’s hands. We’re getting decisive direction from the top. Joe Biden declared he’s determined to reverse Roe vs. Wade and change it to Wade vs. Roe.
• Journal Lancet in Britain published a study of male sexual triggers that found that when women wear a leather dress, a man’s knees go weak, breathing deepens, heartbeat increases, and his mouth gets dry. The symptoms say it all. Whenever a woman weathers a leather dress, she smells like a new car.
argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and a speaker. His email address is argus@argushamilton.com.