Judge Lynn Toler OF ‘COMMIT OR QUIT’

ON WE TV

What are your techniques for gaining couples’ trust and confidence on “Commit or Quit”?

I really do listen. Most people want to be heard and I let people know that I heard them. That’s what I used to do when I was a judge putting people in jail and I used to fuss at them all the time and then you could watch their eyes glaze over. So instead of starting out fussing, you start out listening and you make sure you understand and make sure that they know you understand. And once people think they’re understood,

they’ll be very forthcoming.

You said you don’t believe in the old adage of “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Why not?

Because nothing in the human world is that cut and dried. Nothing. There are people who cheat for a variety of reasons. You know, the marriage could be really bad. They could have run into the wrong – people do wrong stuff for a lot of silly reasons. And I don’t think that just because you got drunk in Chicago one night (laughs) and you did the wrong thing doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll always do. Sometimes it’ll horrify you

into not getting drunk in Chicago anymore.