Pen-pricks

• The Betty Ford Center announced a gala dinner in November for us sober alums for the center’s 40th anniversary. I used to tell critics the reason I drink so much beer is because I have a genetic condition whereby my body doesn’t produce its own alcohol. Therefore I am forced to take a supplement.

• The TSA’s Canine Patrol is seeking dog lovers who will adopt retiring drug sniffing police dogs as household pets. It’s an investment. They said each police dog costs about $100 a month in dog food, $20 a month for flea and tick spray, and $600 a month for cocaine.

• Fox News reports 70 churches in Georgia disaffiliated from the Methodist Church Sunday after Methodists followed the lead of its mother Episcopal Church in supporting LGBT issues and gay rights. The theology of gay accommodation can be summed up in six words. Hate the sin, love the shoes.

• The National Rifle Association answered its critics pointing out that no mass shooter has ever been a member of the NRA. Hell, everything’s dangerous. Last year, 16,000 people died from falling in the shower or in the bathtub, and those were just the ones who crossed the Clintons.

AP PHOTO/MICHAEL WYKE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION executive vice president Wayne LaPierre speaks during the Leadership Forum at the NRA-ILA Meeting at the George R. Brown Convention Center in Houston on May 27.