Postpartum depression is real and very common!
get postpartum depression. Postpartum anxiety is closely related to postpartum depression but it involves more feelings of irrational worry and paranoia over the baby’s health and safety etc.
One symptom of postpartum depression is the lack of bonding with your baby. Not all women will feel this but I imagine this is the worst feeling. If you refer to your new born as ‘the baby’ or ‘it’ combined with a very technical or emotionless approach of handling your baby chances are you are depressed. Maternal instincts kick in almost instantly for some women and they know what the baby needs with every cry.
They cannot help but kiss and cradle their bundle of joy because they are so in love with it. If you on the other hand, feel nothing but emptiness and numbness and are just going through the motions, you are not evil. It just means that you might be going through postpartum depression. To feel detached to a baby that you have carried in you should be scary but with the right help, it is temporary.
Another common symptom of postpartum depression is anger. There are levels to this anger ranging from a slight resentment of your friends with no babies to full blown rage where your spouse is literally terrified of you because anything they do or say is a trigger. What is worse is that you do not even know why you are angry, you literally feel out of control.
On the other extreme, some women slip into a deep dark sadness. Like me, you cannot stop crying and you are just swallowed by feelings of hopelessness and weakness. I wondered if my perfect baby knew I was sad and often felt he deserved better.
I was having drinks with my best friend last Friday and she mentioned how she would be crying whilst she nursed her newborn. She is telling me this, her close friend of over 14 years, almost four years after giving birth meaning she too was going through the guilt and misery all by herself...That was when I decided that I should let other women know that they are not alone because such feelings are usually accompanied by suicidal thoughts where you have the strong urge to, say, overdose on tablets or just drive off a cliff because to end this confusion.
The symptoms are quite a bucketful and are different from woman to woman. If you know that the way you are feeling is just not right you have every right to reach out for help before you hurt yourself or your baby. Postpartum depression is a diagnosable condition so you can walk straight into your clinic or hospital and ask for the help you need. If you do have postpartum depression the doctor will give you anti-depressants that help to balance out certain brain chemicals linked to depression.
Counselling is another way to treat this type of depression and/or anxiety. Talking and expressing your feelings uninterrupted is very therapeutic and to have someone who is professionally trained to withhold any pre-conceived judgements is liberating.
If you have been diagnosed with postpartum depression or anxiety, there are many things you can do to help yourself feel better as you work through your treatment. You could exercise, eat healthy, switch up your routine, surround yourself with people that love you and most importantly RELAX, despite how impossible that may sound with new baby around.
Remember that to be a good mother you have to be good to yourself too. We, as African women are still not as free to express such struggles because of the shame that we attach to it. We need to understand that things like depression, anxiety and panic attacks are not white people conditions but we go through them just as much.
We take pride in our resilience and our strength but to be strong is to acknowledge a weakness... to show vulnerability and accept assistance that will result in a better and stronger woman.