Who’s going to father my children?

LAST week, we started a three-week series with a friend of mine who suddenly lost her husband and has been thrown into single parenting. I believe the lessons she is learning are helpful to many so I have invited her to share some of her journey with us.

There are several challenges that a single mom faces. If I am to be asked what the number one struggle for a single mom is, I would say, “Raising kids!”

I still remember that what broke my heart and still what breaks my heart is the same question my then five-yearold had, just different of course, “Who is going to father my children?” It pains a widow’s heart to embrace the fact that their kids will never be able to see and have a biological father. Parenting is not an easy task, even when both parents are still alive.

The joy however when both parents are still alive is that it is a shared responsibility. Every parent desire to raise a well-rounded child who will be able to contribute positively to the society. A single mom desires to do that on her own and it is a battle.

Here are some questions we battle with: “how do I replace the father’s love and affection that my kids used to receive, am I giving them enough time, love, and support?” I know in some settings it is different for those who are divorced, some dads are doing their best.

A daunting task for a single mom is raising boys! We desire to raise boys who will turn out to be great husbands and fathers for the next generation! The grand question is how do we do that and who is available to model that especially when the dad is gone forever or absent?

Recently I had a chat with lawyer, what pained me the most in my conversation with her is when she mentioned how many times she has to rely on her colleagues who are not Christians to have a man-to-man talk with her seventeen-year-old son. I know for sure one can say I am biased since I do not know the other side of the story. The second struggle will try to answer the bias!

Stereotype! The sad part is that stereotype is seen even in churches and families. It hurts to be judged without being given the opportunity to share your story! Single moms have been given bad names! Single moms are generally seen as failures and threats to marriages. It is not always true! Yes there cases like that but I would like to put it out there that not every single mom is a failure or threat to marriages, not every single mom sees any man as a potential husband, or has intention to break marriages.

The same way married couples have clear boundaries to preserve their marriages and honour God, some single moms have clear boundaries and still want to honour God! I talked to a single mom who went through divorce eighteen years ago.

Read full article on www.newsday.co.zw

 Ashley Thaba is a life-coach, team-building facilitator and motivational speaker. She is also the author of Conquering the Giants and Dive In. Gracious is an E coach in South Africa. You can contact her on this website, courses. knowinggod.co.za.