COVID-19: Our loving people need to live Part II
IN part I of this two-part series I discussed how our cultural practices weaken our COVID-19 prevention efforts. I also discussed the psycho-social impact of swift burials on families.
Today I continue discussing the impact of isolation on grieving and what we can do to manage these issues.
When a person with COVID-19 is admitted in hospital they are in isolation and no visits are allowed.
The family is, therefore, excluded from the deterioration journey and yet being part of what contributes to complete grieving and moving on as the family slowly gives up hope and accepts the inevitable.
COVID-19 patients die without their families and that alone can present challenges that have long-term mental health issues.
In our culture when the fallen have been buried close family members stay behind to comfort the grieving spouse or children.
This practice is being phased out because those who choose to stay behind risk contracting COVID-19 from the post-burial physical environment.
The bereaved’s immediate family is, therefore, forced into unsupported grieving which can have long-term psycho-social effects.
Commenting on COVID-19-related unhealthy grieving Professor William Hoy of Baylor University summed it up: “We are going to be sweeping up the psycho-social-spiritual pieces of this for more than a generation”.
This is exacerbated by the fact that as a people we culturally don’t talk about death and dying as long as the sick person is alive even when it’s clear that they are dying.
We particularly don’t discuss death with our children even when they are the most affected.
That is the conundrum that we are faced with yet we need to live.
What then Shall we do Without doubt we need to do everything we can to avoid contracting COVID-19 so that we don’t have to face COVID-19-related deaths which come with swift burials.
We are a loving people but to love one has to be alive.
We have to learn and encourage one another to practise social distancing and masking up even in private spaces.
Wearing a mask has become the new expression of love.
Prevention must be our ultimate goal!
Postpone those unnecessary visits, use the bus fare to buy airtime and talk more on the phone.
The older generation will insist on attending funerals even when it’s risky.
We have a duty to stop them.
We need to explain to them that they can’t afford to attend every funeral because they need to live.
Supermarkets are open every day until 3pm but this does not mean we have to visit the supermarket everyday.
We can buy our supplies once a week so we avoid the supermarket crowds.
Pastors and other religious leaders enjoy the respect and trust of their congregants.
They need to use this trust to play their part in COVID-19 prevention efforts.
Religious online services should include encouragement to comply with safety measures.
Loving from a distance is what will keep us alive and we need to accept that.
Secondly, where a death has occurred we have to mentally fight for our right to live quality lives and continue to enjoy psycho-social wellbeing so we can thrive.
We cannot allow COVID 19 to affect our mental health because it stole the opportunity to grieve for our loved ones from us.
We, therefore, have to acknowledge these potential challenges and plan to deal with them so that we achieve enhanced resilience.
Livestreaming funerals is one way of coping.
We still need other ways that can be used by those who cannot afford the internet and who cannot afford hermetically sealed coffins.
Symbolic funerals and burials in small groups in our homes come to mind.
Instead of driving or commuting to funerals let’s stick to the designated 30 so the rest of us can invest in remote support before, during and after the funeral.
Instead of using our internet data to download jokes and other unimportant material let’s use it to do video calls with the grieving.
Those without smartphones can still make calls and support their loved ones.
In Africa we have already experienced loving from afar since we have had to live with the fact that some of our relatives are in the diaspora.
Let’s draw lessons from that experience and love from a distance.
We also need to learn to have honest and open discussions about death and dying with our children as part of resilience building.
We will beat this!