Testimonial . . .
FOR IDAHOT 2021, Mary a mother to Joanna, a 34-year-old lesbian, reflects on her experiences since discovering her daughter is a lesbian.
At what age did you learn about Joanna’s sexual orientation?
“I can’t remember the exact year but from a tender age I could see she was different. She could only make male friends and l recall her never befriending other girls. I always wondered why she was comfortable wearing either unisex or boy’s clothes, but the joy she had putting them on left me with no option. Joanna uyu aiti kana apfeka hembe dzechikomana ainzwa kusununguka ende kuti ndimurambidze aibva atsamwa. Ndaigozvidiii nhai mwanangu asi kutomusiya akadaro hake achifara.”
So how did society take it?
“Aaaarrghh zvazvakaoma machewe, tinogara kumaruzevha ende unongozivawo chivanhu, tsika nemagiro matarisiro avanoita malesbian or magay.”
Mary describes how other villagers always approached her enquiring how her daughter was Queer and would recommend beating her or seeking help from traditional leaders or mapositori.
Mary did seek help from mapositori, but never raised a hand to her daughter for being a lesbian because she wouldn’t do anything to harm her child. Mary reports that she only fully embraced Joanna’s sexuality after interacting with other parents with LGBTIQ+ kids at a PFLAG (Parents, Friends, Liaisons and Allies of GALZ) session organized by GALZ. The meeting helped her understand how sexuality is not a choice, how lesbians and gays struggle to accept themselves, and the importance of family support for LGBTIQ+ persons. She loves her daughter, and her grandchildren after Joanna had two children of her own.
Can you share more on Joanna’s children?
Mary says that Joanna fell pregnant at the age of 16 when she was dating men due to peer pressure. She met her ex-husband through her Tete.
“Tete ndovakumurongera murume uyu and
they had two kids now aged 17 and 15”.
The marriage did not work because the two were incompatible. When the husband’s family brought her back home, they reported that Joanna was a good mother and perfect daughter-in-law, but that she could not satisfy her husband in bed.
“We had to take her back because she is my daughter” says Mary.
What are your hopes for Joanna?
“I hope that she finds happiness and remains true to herself. I pray she gets to support her kids and remains a good mother.”
What are some of the challenges gays and lesbians face?
Mary says that society does not embrace them, “vanongotogwa sevanhu nhando zvavowo, asi ini nekuti mwana wangu ndinomuda akadaro, Mweya ekubereka ndounodaro.” They are mocked in the streets, harassed by the youth and left out of social life.
Any last words to parents with gay and lesbian children?
Mary says that your child is your child no matter what. Gay and lesbian children need even more support since the environment we live in exposes them to stress, anxiety, depression and even suicidal thoughts.
“I would rather have a lesbian child in my house than let her die due to stress,” says Mary.
We invite parents to seek support and to join our PFLAG network that is coordinated by GALZ as we learn from and support one another. Email info@galz.co or call or WhatsApp 0772210836.