Relationships are not a one size fits all
LAST week, I told you about an interview I had with a radio station where they were asking me questions about relationships. The interview was very popular, so I have decided to use the questions they asked along with my answers in a series on relationships. Here are the excerpts:
At which stage does one notice that there are not in a healthy relationship and which steps should they take?
Relationships are complicated and never a one size fits all answer, but there are a few signs that I think are pretty universal to any relationship which is moving away from a healthy relationship towards unhealthiness.
1) Lack of Trust — When one of you starts to really doubt the other person — whether for real reasons or imagined reasons — the relationship is not headed in the right direction. Trust is key to genuine intimacy. Actually, let me explain what I mean by real or imagined reasons. One of the people might start to hide their cellphone conversations and the other assumes there is someone else in the picture and an affair is happening.
Maybe the person starts coming home late or you catch the person lying about where they have been. Those are real reasons to lose trust. But, there are also imagined reasons. I was talking to a married woman the other day who had simply dressed up for work and her husband got jealous and began accusing her and demanding to know who she was getting pretty for at work. I can assure you I know this lady, and she is not having any affair. That is what I mean by imaginary — But real or imaginary — that lack of trust messes with the intimacy of a relationship. When you second guess every action or word, it will block emotional intimacy and cause many fights. Even if you don’t say something, every time you think about the other person in a negative light because you don’t trust them, it is building up inside of you and will erupt at some point.
2) Another simple way to note when a relationship is starting to change is when one starts to pull away. People who love each other enjoy spending time together. It is natural as the love wears down to stop working on the relationship and prioritising other things over spending time together.
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