NewsDay (Zimbabwe)

Planet Mars, do not allow human beings in your territory

- Charles A Banda

DEAR Planet Mars,

Earth humans are bad news.

Right now, they are involved in a programme to come and settle on you. It’s a complicate­d and mammoth task, but believe me, they will succeed. And that is what is worrying.

Ever since they appeared on earth, humans have done nothing else but focus on one thing: chaos and mayhem, causing as much destructio­n as possible.

Unfortunat­ely, in all this, they have caused untold suffering to, and for, other living species— plants and animals.

Planet earth is now a sorry sight compared to what it was before humans made their appearance, all due to the destructiv­e nature of humans.

The best thing that could happen to planet earth now would be for the human species to become extinct.

In fact, it is precisely for this reason that the species is working hard to come and settle on you — they have realised that the damage they have done to planet earth is such that it is leading to them becoming extinct.

I do not think you, planet mars, would want earth humans in your territory.

If, therefore, there is a way in which you can stop them from settling on you then I would recommend that you proceed to take appropriat­e measures immediatel­y.

There must be something in the laws of physics that enables you to do that.

Another thing about earth humans, ever since they appeared on the planet, they have played a game called war.

It is a deadly game, with one simple rule: eliminate as many of your fellow humans as possible.

Often, the game starts by squabbles over some resource, eventually escalating into fullscale war.

The game itself has resulted in untold destructio­n to some of the earth’s physical appearance.

You can be certain that once they settle on you, it will only be a matter of time before they start “playing” the game.

From the little we know of you so far, you possess many precious and valuable resources—the type that humans fight over.

Apart from the humans killing each other, the fighting will result in a lot of damage to your physical features.

Earth humans are no good— keep them away from you.

Yours sincerely

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